Gangsta(finished version)
 

wake up sweating clutchin my weapon//im paranoid//
see my criminal mentalty kickin// hearing noises//
angleing like crazy// what could it be// LORD SAVE ME//
now my minds one with the peice//
they after me//cant embrace fear prepared//irrational actions
catch a nigga 25 years// its just planneinn n strategy// got to know who u enemys be// stock up on the heat// roll on em with energy//
murder murder was the war cry// niggas died// came up on
the block glocks, nines// 45's// see the clappin aint expected but sure gonna happen// roling higher than sky//fuckin bustin n duckin//
niggas didnt know my set was sick//
spit ryhmms like holla tips// crimes anonymous// the syndicate
for criminal minds is what it is// aint never heard of this//
from a place with no name// no face n no shame//fuck around
and know pain//
i spit u feel it//
still the realest nigga breathing// young n black,looking for a reason to squeeze it// attack i dont miss// react with mo clips// mo guns in mo wips// contracts with more hits//
than the jackal// leave u slaughtered like cattle// countin countless remains of the slain in the battle// for ever after//aftermaths of disaster//murderous lyrics to your mind from the master//

its Gangsta

one

BONE DEEP

Okay... There's only one problem that I see here... Almost everyone here does it. They don't space their lines out properlly..

Like this:
catch you 25 years, planneinn n strategy, got to know who u enemys be, stock up on the heat, roll on em with energy

Can turn into this:
Catch you 25 years, plannin' n strategy//
Got to know who u enemys be//
Stock up on the heat and roll on em with energy//

It's all in the presentation. Sometimes someone writes something dope, but it loses votes because the people can't read it properly... No offense. I used to do it too.

Anyway. It's good, I like it.

there u go homeboy, thanx for the advice

Uppin for feedback

Ok yea I agree on the spacing the lines.. I more or less just seperate them period.. much easier to read. Try some more vocab. It was a nice peice but everyone has room to elevate.. OoNnEe

you had good flow, and the delivery and structure were well done, some of the lines were kinda played, but still you managed to pull it off..