could been saved...
 

NOTE: I AM NOT DEPRESSED. this just kinda came to me, and it was for the topical battle league, i just wanted some feedback to see if anyone thinks it is dope. i posted it in the RBTL first, i hope i can get feedback now.

i sit in my room, and im all alone\\
because my only friend is a micrphone\\
as i sit on my bed, i turn off the light\\
i close my eyes, try to forget the fight\\
i wish i could leave, go to another place\\
where my heart is full of joy, and of hate there aint a trace\\
this depressions got me guessin that i wont be here long\\
the only way to express my feelings is in the form of song\\
................................
i get lots of advice, but my lifes an ink blot\\
i live through my depression, and its more than you thought\\
...............................
you thought i was just weird, and not a normal person\\
do me wrong again, it'll make depression worsen\\
depression's like a weight, thats balanced on yo head\\
you wake up every day, just wishin you were dead\\
these thoughts that i think, are just not normal\\
you'll all know my pain, when im dead you'll read my journal\\
you'll find all my pain, and how much i hate my life\\
and how i tried to slit my wrists, with a dull knife\\
my world perspecive fucked up, and no one trys to help\\
theres tons of people in this world, but im all by myself\\
im constantly thinkin about death, when im dead what will i wear\\
will i have a funeral?, will anyone even care?\\
will anyone even show up, to see me when im graved\\
just think, one friendly voice and i coulda been saved\\
but no one payed attention, and no one even cared\\
its my time to die, and im not even scared\\
i know i wanna do it, but cant decide how\\
i wanna do it in a way that'll make people say wow\\
............................
i get lots of advice, but my lifes an ink blot\\
i live through my depression, and its more than you thought\\
............................
its way too late to help me, cause im in the state of mind\\
my body lies in the streeet, ive left everyone behind\\
now people wanna cry, and try to say they miss me\\
a bunch of fuckin lyers, all they ever did was diss me\\
they all try to front, like they even fuckin care\\
now they alll stand there, with a blank fuckin stare\\
if they only knew, how much i hurt inside\\
im sure someone would have help, someone would have tried\\
instead they cry today, and forget me tomarrow\\
they shead lots of tears, but never feel sorrow\\

Pfff
It's a hell of a read but it's worth every line
Nice shit Ill keep them poppin !

this was deep fam..
heart felt shit..
keep spittin flames..

peace
-1-

im constantly thinkin about death, when im dead what will i wear\\
will i have a funeral?, will anyone even care?\\

tight shit!

That was pieced nicely together, Made me want to read, Nice hooks, That's the style of flow I enjoy the most, Reality!.

Nice

yo that was tough fam nice drop heart n shit i wish i had that kind of feelin lol

thx man, i appreciate the feedback

when i left i thought this site was done with all the freepostin i mean damn give the man some feedback so he can get better on his shit truthfully dude i'm not into this type of rhymes but still this shit was nice when you post this type of rhyme i can't really tell you to add anthing to it because it's one of those flows you write when somethin happened and it's not somethin you wrote to impress it's somethin you wrote to express, so i guess there's not too much left for me to say and i can't give a score on it anything so just keep postin until i can
aight
one

thanks for the feedback odd

dis shit was whack dawg ,, , really really whack , ,, haha just playin dawg , this joint was ILL , i liked da whole shit , it was worth reading ,, illest joint ever

thx man, lol you scared me there for a hot minute lol

any more feedback i can get?

DEEEEEEEP SHIT.....FAM.....am feelin it...

you'll find all my pain, and how much i hate my life\\
and how i tried to slit my wrists, with a dull knife\\

im constantly thinkin about death, when im dead what will i wear\\
will i have a funeral?, will anyone even care?\\


Deep....emotional Piece....Nice drop FAm