constructive critisism
 

ok I posted this battle verse on a site and the next day it crashed, so I gotta have somebody see it right? tell me what you think of it

The elements gather, while clouds in my mind form/ you thinkin I'm stuck, but thats until you feel the brain storm/ I rain on...for days and nights, no sign of light/rappin with snug jeans, that don't mean you rhyme tight/the lime light...shines far from you, only signs in blue/of strobing police lights to leave your rhymes subdued/ don't try me dude...Attempts only prove vain,this dude is lame/driving sugar trucks claiming he moves cain/your new name...is crystal light, you ain't spittin right/and you barely have flavor when you hit the mike/this kids is like...pain you riped it... sike!/think political, before accepting these lyrical fist fights//

ok tell me what you think

God-Bless
804

good , , but u could have done better ,,, return da favour http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=42252

yea u culd done betta, but it was good fo' a lil flow...much love playa

return tha fava, check out my drop, Dear Dad thx