"My Memories"
 

Some memories are good, but some memories are bad/
I'll look back though and probably wish to be a "Young Lad"/
Although I dont have a photo~graphic memory of stepping out the wound/
I can remember perfectly my first sight of the full phase of the moon/
My ignorance as a little kid with nothing to worry about killed the growth of pain/
It was like the seed of pain was not weathered upon by any burst of rain/
I dont know what happened since Elementary I've been overdosed with reality/
At first I didn't seem to care about what was going on in the world of casualties/
I remember watching movies intruiged by just watching not aware what was really going on/
Now I watch the same movies over and I seem to have a totally different perspective on the film run/
As these memories of my imperfections continue to expand in my mind I can say I've learn a lesson/
You dont have to be rich with money, but rich with knowledge to say that you've recieve a blesson/
I wish I could get the bad ones out of my head and unleash them into the deep-end of Decease/(The Seas)
Try to just remeber the good ones, but the bad often sneek in and ruin my moment of peace/
Just had some memeories I had to write down....

very deep and very much felt...
i think everyone lives through
a life with bad memories of things
they've gone through, cuz i know i can
i can relate..
well anyways nice work..pz

Thnx for the response

uppin

UPPIN

uppin for more response

Alright i read your piece and there a couple things i'd like to point out. This poem is based off of memories, I was expecting some more personal depth in it. It really strayed from anything other than your preception to certain things from past time to future such as movies or News of casualties.

"As these memories of my imperfections continue to expand in my mind I can say I've learn a lesson"

WHAT MEMORIES OF IMPERFECTIONS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
You need to kinda web everything together and inorder to fully finish this piece it needs to be longer. I noticed a nice line that had some great thought to it.

"It was like the seed of pain was not weathered upon by any burst of rain"

Alright final thoughts:
In a poem like this i want to be able to see your face/actions i want to feel that exact emotion the writer is trying to possess. Think about what i've said and i am positive it will shed a great light of thought to your work to come.

-1-

aight thnx for the information on how to improve -1-

I like this shit. It's pretty hard shit. I dont really write poems but i will start.

Nick this is a good poem..i mean i am not sure i am quite one to judge yet..but yours is good i sure hope mine are as good..t2yl love you..and yes keep trying to write poems the more you do it the easier it is i promise..i mean mine took me one day of coarse you can do it..and to everyone else who might have read those other two poems posted by whiterap19 those were by me he was just helping me out..but my thing is whitepoet19 so yeah..if i have nemore they will be by that name..thanks a lot..and nick good job!!

thnx for the response yall

nice structure and approach towards expressing your emotions ! good work ! peace

aight thnx for the response Goodnight

uppin