trying to become a poet
 

it's been a long long while since i have found peace
thoughts of finding it, by becomeing deceased
but still i rise after every nights sleep
another day survived another demon i shall defeat
for god is my savoir and earth is my home
and my gurl is the reason why i am no longer alone
so pretty and fine with a mind so truely genuine
i thank god that she's mine , and for this peace that i can find.............


just a lil peace from the heart not real educated on grammer or structure in littiture just want toexpress some emotions feed back please!!!!

Nice man keep working at it....I like reading pieces from the heart, they seem more enjoyable! If you have time take a look at my poem called memories and tell me what ya think.

thanx man for the feed back that is i will peep your poem now okay peace

That was a pretty good writing.

I'm trying to learn how to write better stuff myself and one thing that might help you is a bigger vocab. The more words you know the better you can express yourself. I'm still working on that cause I'm an idiot ;)

"it's been a long long while since i have found peace
thoughts of finding it, by becomeing deceased
but still i rise after every nights sleep
another day survived another demon i shall defeat"

Those were the lines that I liked the most out of it. Made me feel that you don't want to give up. Real positive. Keep posting more up here.

thanx for analizeing my poem and givering constructive feed back ! i feel that is positive and motivateing ! i use to be really intro poetry as a kid ! and that i was told that i had a natural talent in this ! i feel that i can build the knowledge that i am going to need to be able to express my self to my fullest extent peace

This was pretty nice. Albiet rather basic, it still did what the poem is ment to do. Express yourself. And this did just that. Y'know? It expressed your persistence in life and determination. Or at least thats what I got off of it. Anyway, good work.

~Shalom~

thanx all for the feed back more poems to come