Peep this... a song about relationships
 

Girl, come with me and take my hand//
I’m gonna take you to a faraway land//
Of princesses, kingdoms and magical sprites//
A place to get away from this ordinary life//
Please make a wish and witness its truth//
I’ll do anything in this world for you//
I’ll make you my queen and I’ll be your king//
If you want, a court jester who dances and sings//
I will make it happen at your every desire//
Leave this world of torment for a funeral pyre//
I’ll bring you to my castle in the heart of town//
You’ll find flowers, candles, and wine littering the ground//
Anyone who crosses you will have to meet my wrath//
Cement shoes and a burlap sack, my eyes are on your path//
B to the R to the E to the D//
I see it in your eyes that you wanna be with me//
Girl, you know I love you and that will never pause//
For me there is no other girl, you can retract your claws//

Love is many a splendored thing//
Birthdays, anniversaries, many a golden ring//
Diamonds and rubies and birthright stones//
I know I won’t be able to make it on my own.//

Girl I never wanted it to end this way//
For some reason girls always inflict gut-wrenching pain//
I always seem to find a knife stuck in my back//
In a tiff I feel as if my limbs are stretched on the rack//
Take a look inside my chest and tell me what you find//
My heart is peeled inside out, like a lemon rind//
Eroding out my eyes are the tears that I hold in//
I can’t let you see the state of mind that you put me in//
I gave to you my soul so that you may keep it safe//
By the time I got it back from you it was pained as is a wraith//
I’ll never understand what makes females tick//
One thing that I do know is they need a big, fat dick//
Then again, you know that’s what they want//
You think you give them orgasms, I tell you it’s a front//
Don’t play that tired game girl, just give to me straight//
I don’t want to hear no more lies, just get out of my face//
“You know that you’ll be crawling back, on your hands and knees”
What do you take me for? Come on girl please//
Get out of your ego trip and back to planet Earth//
Now you think you’re pregnant and going through the birth//
You know that if its my kid Ill be there till the end//
But we always used protection, you just screwed yourself again.//

Some of ur lyrics ,, Kinda reminded me of P.diddy's lyrics...........................Because it was Simple..................But some of da Lines were Tight.............Overall u get a 7/10

That was tight I like the flow and it did sound like P. Diddy alittle and on some lines it didnt. I liked it it was tight. Holla

uppin for replies

brad--- what up dawg.. lol, I a'ready read this at my house on friday.. but I figured I'd give some constructive criticism since you my boy 'n' all.. It was mad simple rhyme/ bar structure, which pro'lly helped the flow alot.. had some deep lyrics in it but not deep in the sense that it made you think it was more a "nod my head" and agree kinda deep.. word-play's getting better as you elevate more, vocab's still not too great, but all it takes is practice... ne-way, holla.. be sure to responde to other peeps rhymes, you wont get slept on as much if you do..

This was aight. Flow was aight. It was from the heart, content was aight. One thing to work on is consistancy. Some lines were nice, and some weren't as nice. You want tomake them all about the same on the scale. In other words, you get a 5/10. Sorry dawg.

Peep the link titled "Reflection of Fate" in my sig

pZ!

uppin