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-   -   Good comes from all (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=49946)

Fo' Real 05-24-03 07:48 PM

Good comes from all
 
Sittin at home wondering when my lifes going to drop
Is death a new beginning, or is it simple a full stop?
I never could dot it with my own pen i dont have the guts
Its all the anger and worry thats got me thinking these thoughts
Reminders of lies and deciet, mistrust and defeat
All on my part though, i dont know why i done it
It happened so fast it seemed like an eternity
I went with her best friend it was so bent
I loved my girl but it wasnt enough for me
It was 2 weeks in, i was the last person i wanted to be
Got down on my knees 2 weeks after and confessed all
Her eyes so empty, dry from tears, an infinate fall
But 3 days later she forgave me it was the best moment of my life
Good does come from all, took the knife out her back, my soon to be wife

Fo' Real 05-24-03 07:49 PM

i wrote it while i was sayin it so have read it myself or anything, all comments good or bad welcome.....
~out~

Legendary 05-24-03 09:09 PM

It was pretty good. The word usage could have been better. I just liked the content mostly and how it ended. Maybe you could put better vocab in it and give it some more imagery? That might help some.

"It was 2 weeks in, i was the last person i wanted to be
Got down on my knees 2 weeks after and confessed all
Her eyes so empty, dry from tears, an infinate fall
But 3 days later she forgave me it was the best moment of my life
Good does come from all, took the knife out her back, my soon to be wife"

Those are the lines that I liked the most. You did good with imagery on these lines but the other lines were kind of plain. I liked this post though. Keep them coming ;)


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