First poem Ive written in awhile..."Suicide"
 

Check this out..It took me 4 minutes 32 seconds to write..Tell me what you think...

"Suicide"

He Stood upon a Wobbling Bridge Rail
The Weather Grows bad and it Begins to Hail
Friends call To him from Safe, solid Ground
He just Blankly and Coldly Glances Around.
The wind starts to blow and the bridge begins to sway
Life Just hasn't gone his way
He hears the sobs and Whines from close friends
Whom he promised he would be there for, untill the end
He slowly put his arms out before him
His Black, Dark, Empty mind begins to suddenly spin
People stood and watched, they wondered why?...
He had Always been so nice..So Quiet..So shy...
The thunder rolled with a loud, piercing boom
He closed his eyes and pictured his newly made tomb
His shirt whipped in the Violent wind
All the Problems he could not mend.
What it is he Really cannot tell
He just leaned forward, Let his body go, and fell
Falling down, Down with a loud ear piercing scream
He fell From the rusty, old bridge Beam
He finally hit the Rushing water below...
His problem, No one ever know
Friends and family opened there Eyes
And realised that there Friend Commited...Suicide

I wrote a Part two as well...Lemme know what Ya'll think

PeAce

lol, 4 minutes and 32 seconds eh? I thought it was very good. I liked the way you described everything from the rusty swaying bridge to his shirt blowing in the wind. That was good stuff. I had no trouble at all picturing this in my head.

"He Stood upon a Wobbling Bridge Rail
The Weather Grows bad and it Begins to Hail
Friends call To him from Safe, solid Ground
He just Blankly and Coldly Glances Around.
The wind starts to blow and the bridge begins to sway
Life Just hasn't gone his way "

I really liked that part. I was drawn in to reading more of the poem cause of the first lines there. Like I said, you did good with putting a picture in my head.

"The thunder rolled with a loud, piercing boom
He closed his eyes and pictured his newly made tomb
His shirt whipped in the Violent wind
All the Problems he could not mend."

Another good part from it. Well the whole thing is good. So I don't know what the hell I'm doing taking bits and pieces out. I liked this part because of, again, how you described it. I really felt this poem.

"He just leaned forward, Let his body go, and fell
Falling down, Down with a loud ear piercing scream
He fell From the rusty, old bridge Beam
He finally hit the Rushing water below...
His problem, No one ever know
Friends and family opened there Eyes
And realised that there Friend Commited...Suicide"

I think I quoted nearly the whole thing but thats ok. I can't really explain why I liked that part without saying the same thing over and over. You did a good job on this in a short time. Go ahead and post the part 2 of it.

Hey,

Thanks for the response..I'm happy it was a good response! lol...I was kinda worried cause the words are Simple..But I guess that don't matter if You know what to do with them. lol. Thanks once again!!

peAce

Bloody hell..


..for such a short space of time, it was magnificent...shows you got a lot of talent in writing...

...good use of imagery...worked your way through very well...constructing it with a kind of loose precision...

...resp...

Thanx For the response...I really appreciate your help