"Stolen"
 

Please tell me what you think...Any comments are appreciated...Thanx

"Stolen"

You took it all away from me
Everything I could ever be
With a simple twist of your wrist, I fall to the Floor
I lie there, Dazed, As you walk out my door
Dark blood stains form beside me on the ground
I slightly open my eyes and look around
I try desperatly to move, Though I Fail
My eyes grow hazy, and my Face grows Pale
My Cold eyes Role back into my head
As I lie on the Floor, Almost dead
Thick blood begins to trickle down my dry, cold lips
I gently touch the wound with my fingertips
I feel my hair Fall over my face
As I lay, Motionless, In my own place
I grab onto a Table leg, and tighten my grip
Every nerve in my body, Begins to slightly twitch
My arms are stretched out
Not knowing what this is about
On the Floor, The blood puddle thickens, Leaving a bigger stain
As I feel my Last bit of Life drain
All my dreams have been broken
And my life has been Stolen.

"I try desperatly to move, Though I Fail
My eyes grow hazy, and my Face grows Pale
My Cold eyes Role back into my head
As I lie on the Floor, Almost dead
Thick blood begins to trickle down my dry, cold lips"

That part was really good. This whole thing was good. You keep coming up with good content in your writings. I'm wondering if you'll ever have a bad one? :P But that part had a lot of imagery in it so I really liked it. It put a perfect picture in my head of what was going on.

I would try to give you tips to help you get better but I don't see anywhere you could improve. Actually you could help me get better at writing, instead of me helping you..lol

lol..Thanks!..I Really appreciate your comments! ;) But I still think mine cause use more work lol...I haven't really read any of your stuff yet. I might just have to check some out..Take care...

peAce