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life problems
replied to weezy and pledgeofpanther
my life is facin complete discrimination, how tha fuck can we live together in 1 nation// livin miserably wit 1 another causin us to hate each other, so wats tha point of cooperation and y tha fuck do we bother// tryin to co-exsist in tha same world, tat just causes rivalries and leads us into turmoil// wen we get scared we blame it on others and use em as scapecoats, life falls apart like bullets rippin thru a line of boats// we sink faster then we swim, so we leave life hangin out on a wim// y do we try to make it to tha top, just to get knocked down and to lose our spot// its short but i dont care |
wen we get scared we blame it on others and use em as scapecoats, life falls apart like bullets rippin thru a line of boats//
we sink faster then we swim, so we leave life hangin out on a wim// liked dat bit alot but the last line seemed out of place if ya kno what a mean nice drop though overall |
Lol this is Aight.............Da way u typed it was whack
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uppin expectin tha criticism from everyone
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wen we get scared we blame it on others and use em as scapecoats, life falls apart like bullets rippin thru a line of boats//
we sink faster then we swim, so we leave life hangin out on a wim// Sum good shit there... |
uppin for more insights
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You have some talent man, but you need a little elevation. First off, i didn't like how you wrote it. Don't cram 2 lines of your verse into one line on the typing, do 1 line of your song per line, make it look better.
You had some shit from the heart tho, I can tell. Need to elevate a little bit tho. Not much of a good flow, add imagery and edit the flow to start off. Then get into all the technical stuff like multies. You had some in there, but they weren't really nice. They were decent tho. Also, stay away from rhyming words with "ation" at the end. Too played now'a days. Keep droppin' man, that's the only way you'll get better. Peep the link titled "America . . . " in my siggy. pZ! |
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