"The Wreck"
 

Tell me what you think of this one...It's one of my older poems...any comments on it are welcome...

"The Wreck"

We went out on a rainy, Friday Night
Thinking everything would be alright
We went in His father's car
And we really didn't go all that far
I raised my head from looking down
But I couldn't make a sound
When I saw the headlights in our lane
I put my hand on the dash and screamed his name
I closed my eyes and held on tight
For I didn't know if this would be my last night
All I heard was the sound of busting glass
Then the car had stopped at last
When I opened my eyes I glanced around
I found myself laying on the ground
I see something not far away
I think, Why doesn't he look my way?
I hear the cop sirens and see the lights
They pierce through the thick black of night
I feel the Polices cold hands touch me
I feel him, But his face I cannot see
He asked me if I felt any pain
I replied with a "no", thought I thought my life would drain
I glanced at the person, just lying there
I shivered at the thought, and the cold air
Slowly I closed my heavy eyes
Wishing I could run away and hide
When I opened my eyes once again
I knew right away where I had been
I looked at the doctor in an original way
Knowing that I would be okay
I was just fine untill a horrible thought
I started to wonder Where you may have been brought
I asked the doctor and couldn't believe what he said
He looked at me, took my hand, and replied "hes Dead"...

Copywright of Samantha Jones
Any Duplicates of this Document Will be Prosecuted by the Federal Law

You wrote this really good. I felt like it happened to me :( It started off good and got better. I think I repeat myself in every reply to you but there isn't much else I can say. The description, flow, and content were all good...really good. Did you put this in a book or something?

"When I opened my eyes once again
I knew right away where I had been
I looked at the doctor in an original way
Knowing that I would be okay
I was just fine untill a horrible thought
I started to wonder Where you may have been brought
I asked the doctor and couldn't believe what he said
He looked at me, took my hand, and replied "hes Dead"..."

Those were my favorite lines right there.

it was tight,you sentences run on and stop to soon sometimes,the story was sad the flow was good all in all it was aiight, keep on postin boo.

Thank you both for your reply's...I appreciate it. I didn't put it in a book but it was sent to some publishing thing in New York. Well, I'm glad you both liked it...Thanks once again!

peAce