the storm.
 

this is my verse off a song me and 4 of my friends are doing, i dont have their verses right now so i cant post them. im rapping about someone who lost him self, the other guys are rapping about, a cheating girl, a suicaidal kid, the streets, and war in the world. we are going to the studio this weekend to record it.

[hook 2x]
you cant see tears when your standing in a rain storm/
most hearts get torn apart coming where we came from/


the lost idenity cant tell its freinds from the enemys/
this mask is gradually stabbing but he cant set it free/
he used to be supreme king of the fuckin streets/
until he got inpeached now he stand still in defeat/
he seems to sooth him self in shallow streams of self pitty/
when he used to be the on coming up with something witty/
will he ever come out of obscurity or is his life deseased/
now antisocial it seems his friends never heard him speak/
he seeks society but it always seems so far away/
sitting alone playing if i should die tonight by marvin gaye/
one day he told me he wants to make a change/
he tried to break the mask but it was stuck in place/
he used to be ahead of the game like he was running a race/
replaced making laughs now the devils his only faith/
fuck it the bottled joy has now gone to waste/
all that remains is an empty shell and a hallow face/

[hook 2x]
you cant see tears when your standing in a rain storm/
most hearts get torn apart coming where we came from/

dont sleep on this!!!!!!!

strong lyrics and wordplay, niced drop post the friends part and well see if u got something,
return the favor
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=51173

^thanks for the reply, but i dont have their verses with me right now, but our CD will be done soon ill put up some of the audios when we are done.

Yeah that stuff was bnice had good flow another peace i was feelinlollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll

you cant see tears when your standing in a rain storm/

that's very much like a slug line from God Love Ugly "nobody sees tears when you're standing in the storm". I was actually gonna write piece based on that line. GET OUT OF MY HEAD FLU! GET OUT!!!!!

anyways, this was cool. it had some decent wordplay and still told the story straight without being too abstract.
fun for the whole family, and by the whole family I mean me.
Peace

actually that tears in a rain storm line is from a poem we read im my english class its called "a nations rain storm", it was about the native americans that walked the trails of tears. that was the closing line,

it was a deep poem and i liked that line so we put it in our hook. if i still had my english book i would post the poem but yesterday was my last day of school so i turned everything in.

if you dont know what trail of tears is heres a little summary,

Forced migration of the Cherokee Indians in 1838-39. In 1835, when gold was discovered on Cherokee land in Georgia, The subsequent eviction and 116-day forced march of thousands of Cherokee to Oklahoma was badly mismanaged, and inadequate food supply, frigid weather, and the cruelty of escorting troops led to the death of about 4,000 Cherokees.

BTW. what slug song says that line? i have alot of slug songs on my computer but i never heard that line in any songs.

nice drop, decent wordplay good flo, told the story well, keep elevating

...........this was a tight drop......as expected
................... a yo return tha faver a check out my drop my war stories......thx

its straight man. it could be better. lets just see if you got any skills on the mic. pzz~

i think this is a really nice drop...real emotional...i think you lacked multis.......and the wordplay was a little iffy....but besides that it's good

does everysong need multis? sorry but that aint my style.

that was tight ass hell...great drop...keep bringin them

thanks for the replys

UP

this was firrree!!!! and i dunno why people stress multis. songs have different styles, ya dummy's. if it doesn't have multis, then don't stress it. peep my piece Cream 2003, if you like