First rap
 

Yo this is my first rap so i dont expect alot of compliments but if you could drop some advice that would be hot.

Yo its tough when your life has been rough/
and you try to drain your problems by drinking cans of duff/
so you go out drunk and find yourself on your knees in cuffs/
and your wishing you didnt down all those pills and stuff/
so you make a note that this is enough this isnt a bluff/
and as your lying on the cold cell floor you finaly admited your not that tough/

......im not even sure i like it...

Ya need to work on length as well as building the voacb.

ok thanks

okay, this is constructive criticism so dont get mad.... vocab needs to be a lot better; vocab is key in raps, , wordplay and flow has to be better, use similes and metaphors (im gettin real technical) i hope u know what similes and metaphors are lol....

but take my advice..... spit somethin else later, and i'll critique it again....

sup,
you got potential
stay rappiing bout real shit, work on your length, and definitely get some metaphors and up the vocab

thanks i will work on the similies and metaphors. Ya i know what they are lol. gimme a few and i will post up something else.

U have to really work on this........Rhyme scheme was really Simple.........Up ur vocab

It's good to see a nigga dats like me on RB.
New and learnin. Mex take all da advice even from Bash.
Yeah Bash got good advice but he sleep onniggas to much.
If u want sumthin to sleep on Bash sleep on da way u recycle a bunch of old ass songs. Holla Back Bitch ass Bash.
Mex dat was a aight drop but just like da otha niggas said just like me u need to elivate. Up da vocab like I need to andmak da verses harder to understand. Not no elementary shit like da shit I'm improvin. I bet u think dis shit is real basic huh?