What shoulda been posted...
 

I got this weird arrangement with this girl... I post her stuff on the RBTL... Ima proxy, in some ways. Well it looked like she was gonna no show for the battle against TREACH P, so I wrote something up to battle him. She ended up comin up with something. Now I like it, and I'd like to see if other people do too : ).

I'm really feelin this topic right now... this drop means a lot to me


Topic is "painful death"

as i lie myself down and drown in this pool of red
i take a moment to remember all those words you said
all that shit i was fed, spawning that hope deep inside
why hide my feelings, that's what i thought till I realized
you were taking advantage of me. I loved you and still do
but that one time you told me about you choppin Drew
i coulda rolled over and died, what a foreshadowing
of this very end, choking on my own venom while i'm cryin
every time you said "we're just friends", i was hurt
but then we'd kiss and from my eyes my excess joy would spurt
you played me even tho i loved you and trusted you
and now you "don't need me" and yet still i continue...
i come to you, ya quit talking to me, so what's new?
i woulda been so much better for ya baby than Drew
how could i show you he had nothing on me
show how he abused you, mentally and sexually
still you chose to fuck him and have his baby
what worse you said you loved me and i'm still hungry
i got money, on you i spent more than is countable
now you turn around and ignore me, ya know what's painful?
ya gainful attitude, how i can do wrong, but as for you
its all twisted while you argue,
while you sit around "afraid"
damn, my thoughts are starting to fade...... damn that blade
painful death, it's what i painfully read...
what you painfully said.......
it's this damn painful bed
where I'm painfully dead

uppin for someone to look at it

dope shit bro....

very fuckin deep...

"every time you said "we're just friends", i was hurt
but then we'd kiss and from my eyes my excess joy would spurt"

i liked that 1

i come to you, ya quit talking to me, so what's new?
i woulda been so much better for ya baby than Drew
how could i show you he had nothing on me
show how he abused you, mentally and sexually
still you chose to fuck him and have his baby
what worse you said you loved me and i'm still hungry

Pretty hot piece, Not bad for a newbie...elevate a little...but nice flow in this joint..liked it

I enjoyed this a lot. it had a really good meaning, and the whole "painfully dead" theme is great, even thought Mad Man picked it.

there was a bit of repetition, rhyming the same words twice and such. not a bad thing, just makes the rhyme seem a little tedious.
the flow was okay, but wasn't constant. the syllables in your bars should relativly the same length, helps the flow.

the opener was amazing, same with how you twisted it from death to love, and told how they related. nice piece ender.
One

yo ima agree wit understatement on tis but overall tis was a deep ass piece