Mental Eclipse
 

"with the pain and death this madness brings, what we're we ever singing for?"-Father Francis Patrick Mulcahey

makin nuns dropkick their faith, I embrace the fact, my existence is cracked,
letting my eternity save face, steal your time of day, tell me I can give back
my love, you impact my love, and I know I'll never be able to rise above,
the push and the shove. but you're all that I have, too bad I don't possess,
the ability to be clean up whats left of this mess; from exploding hearts,
your ventricles and atriums splitting valves pulling my embodiment apart;
and ceasing my breath, wishing you were what I had left, hate me now,
I'm becoming adept at the secrets I've kept, I'm only following the cow,
because I'm mad as a hatter, the size won't fit my gigantic headcase forever,
emotions making words fatter, high cholesterol levels and flogging leathers,
inflicting public beatings; read the scars of the back of the frontside of me,
they'll tell you to shut the fuck up becase I'm damn sick of your curiosity,
so I kill the cat myself, and get tried and convicted for felinoside; judge
I plead guilty but my counter suit is that she stole my heart. won't budge,
push the wall, but it's set in place, so I move it with a seven forty seven,
the bodies pile up on top of yours, you're part of the scenery in heaven,
and If you'll kill because I'm differant and because my bread is unleavened,
I'm mentally poor, neural poverty is the reason that I'm breathing anymore......

Peace

^ this is really good ^

i tried checking your audio...i like the name
but it wouldn't play. i don't know why....audio
collab...would be dope :)

^^^ya, i was feelin that, but it had more a poetic rhythm to it than a Open Mic rap

understatement, if you check my stuff and give me some detailed comments I'll be sure to do the same for yours... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=53620

I don't see why I should have to give comments in order to receive them. If you're going to reply in my thread at least say something valid. If had posted comments and then said "check out my piece" I would've been happy to. I might anyways, but keep in mind that you shouldn't have to recieve something in order to give something. Shit doesn't work that way.

Sand, if you know how to do an audio collab without being in the same place, I'd love to. yeah, my audio isn't that good anyway, you're really not missing much. oh, but it will get better. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

up^

I'll start off by commenting yours then...

makin nuns dropkick their faith, I embrace the fact, my existence is cracked,

dropkick their faith, nice word play

letting my eternity save face, steal your time of day, tell me I can give back

give back my love... this rings all too true for me right now...

my love, you impact my love, and I know I'll never be able to rise above,
the push and the shove. but you're all that I have, too bad I don't possess,

nice flow there, rise above the push and the shove....


the ability to be clean up whats left of this mess; from exploding hearts,
your ventricles and atriums splitting valves pulling my embodiment apart;
and ceasing my breath, wishing you were what I had left, hate me now,
I'm becoming adept at the secrets I've kept, I'm only following the cow,

nice flow....

because I'm mad as a hatter, the size won't fit my gigantic headcase forever,
emotions making words fatter, high cholesterol levels and flogging leathers,
inflicting public beatings; read the scars of the back of the frontside of me,

back of the frontside, nice imagery...

they'll tell you to shut the fuck up becase I'm damn sick of your curiosity,
so I kill the cat myself, and get tried and convicted for felinoside; judge
I plead guilty but my counter suit is that she stole my heart. won't budge,
push the wall, but it's set in place, so I move it with a seven forty seven,
the bodies pile up on top of yours, you're part of the scenery in heaven,
and If you'll kill because I'm differant and because my bread is unleavened,
I'm mentally poor, neural poverty is the reason that I'm breathing anymore......

I really felt that piece... I have to say I'm going through a lot of what you're writing about right now, so I can definitely relate... Flow was nice, at times excellent.... keep it up...

(And i'd appreciate if you peeped my piece now :)

^Very Nice Piece^

Good imagery flow and wordplay
Liked it alot

-one love-

thanks addlibb

ender, that was a wicked critique. I'll peep yours, sorry about my bitching, not in a good mood right now.

peace

up^

uppin again

up

yo, holla boi.. lol, shit was ill... you got a mad vocab for a yung buck.. lol.. the piece flowed very nicely thru most of the bars, some places it seemed a little choppy, but it might have been me.. it seemed to have som pretty deep emotions in it too...

to sum it all up in one word... DAMN ......

peace...