Evaluate this 4 me
 

Hey gimme some feedback plz:

welcome to death i'm puttin it on your rep//
so step up to the plate so i can put u to the test//
I'll best u in a slugfest and lay u down to rest//
leave u in an alleyway wit blood on ya chest//
u fucked wit the wrong dude//
I'll have u sippin ya food-- through a straw//
I'll eventually pick out every flaw- in ya body//
I'll leave u pain inflicted wit a bullet in ya jaw from a shotty//
I'll have u zipped up in a body bag//
Or i could have u in a full body cast//
All it takes is one blast from the shotty barrel//
And you'll have a coffin about half the size of a pharoh//
I can read ya future like a tarot--- u know what it says//
the bullets I got in the clip are gonna leave u dead//
I'm gonna blast off ya head and leave the floor red//
I'm not gonna stop until I see ya body drop//
or until I see u in the street//
And ya head is severed where the curb meets//
Then what's left over I'll let the birds eat.

hmm...

too simplistic of flow... also the ryhme scheme just wasnt there at aomse point... You had no worpdlay at all

Ya too elementry DONT RAP LIKE THIS
you cant rap, cuz your full of crap
You been beat, stroke my meat
rub my feet, and go bak to the street

See goota get 2,3 sylable words in there...