:Adolesence Poem:
 

thumps in ballistic-clouds, and then mystic-shroud//
a feudalistic-crowd with power from autistic-mouths//
facing the strange-emergent this deranged-insurgent//
his nervous smile-divergent feeling hostile-with-urgence//
he observes flickering dances of flames wasting their chances//
and others so powerful he only risks dareing glances//
he becomes superior to some as his knowledge advances//
and while he strives to learn his thirst for anger enhances//
this stage brings new feelings but also washed up memories//
reminiscant of times his mind was locked in ebony//
to protect from past emotion, occurences never forgotten//
contrasting with a family life pure as silky cotton//
revenge is compulsory and not only an ambition//
his mind's on a vengeful mission without accepting admonition//
fresh with ammunition he sets off on expedition//
half-way wishing these scarlet visions were merely apparition//
victims diseased although he pleads with his heart and mind for peace//
darkness released into his veins, and he learns the evil will not cease//
a piece of him has shattered; a part deleted all in vain//
love, warmth, and friendship gone; it's driving him insane//
with this pressure from all angles his soul clutches for breaths//
he joins his victims willingly and exposes his body to death//

Uppin dont sleep peep's

eyo ADDLiB that was fareal too dope .... i was really feelin it - fashow kid

keep at it ... i love your play on words and i especially like the line

a piece of him has shattered; a part deleted all in vain//
love, warmth, and friendship gone; it's driving him insane//

that was too dope

return da fava and hit my poem up "for years to come"

da hunnet son

^Thanx^

Uppy

This Was Ill Shit Man..The Wordplay Was Incredible Man...Keep Droppin Hott Ish

Could You Return Tha Favor And Reply To "Alone"

Thanx ^^^ Upps

Upp

Dam yall's like to sleep on pieces
that took a lot of hard work

upp

DAMN really sick shit dawg Addlib Nice creative..................drop

WUn

peep mine

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=58416

I can see this took a lot of work. This peice is also one of those that go way over my head. As in, I have trouble understanding what is being said. But I think I understand what you saying in it. About a man killing others and himself. Anyway, it's something spectacular that you wrote.

~Shalom~

Simply brilliant, libb.

Superb Imagery. Vocab used so well. Structured well. Can't see any flaws.

It's a very fine tuned piece, full of raw yet well c hanneled power.

..resp...

^Thanx All For the feeback.

-one love-

on the real i thought that this was some ill ass shit kid no doubt this was deep as hell keep up son
one

Upps

very impressive...the vocabs are very well writtten....the word play was awesome..they were well-used on this piece.....the flow definitely fits the whole concept of it....

a breakdown of it would be really good but for some reason my hands are soo tire of typing so maybe on ur other upcoming piece i will...

definitely a very good one...i liked it