|
thoughts on my verse
Walking lost on the pavement ,a Bad mind engagement//
Dark souls that start brawls to box your arrangements// Death rolls My mind is settled by enragements// Heckle on your statements like a rebel wit no patient// My insecurities~reside so my feelings dun seem blatant// Drink impurities~ ride I'm sipping misery wit Satan// My entities have taken each struggle by hand// I meet each struggle by the muscles of my hand// Ignorance, some manz don't understand, money got dem strang// Poverty stricken fams from economy-ridden scams// Moneys got u strang in the mist of the land // Man made money, money man prang// I cant stand my inner demons, I deal wit opponents // And as a black man I feel like a piece of shit in a field of roses// Monotonous droning keeps my thoughts impose from exploding// Revealed as the omen, my rhymes r ideal for the quoting // Emotions deposes, I return with scriptures of moshes// To leave Egyptians in exodus on, concealed mixture supposes // That my voice if apposing a threat // I feel brokin-n-vexed, my dicks choking these skets// Flowing through existence and sail-to-the-left// Life is a journey I hope I aint failed-in-my-quest// I'm held-on-dis-stress walking through hell// talk to myself, i feel the pain impaled-on my-creaps// Fell like I've been held by the head and crucified wit a nail-in-my-chest// I'm trapped and jail-by-dis-shit it cud bring a tear-2-my-I// But in mind of timid emotions, I lack the feelings to cry// You cant see the fear in my eye, dis shit beats me inside// No peace in my mind, fuck insecurities dat eat my alive // My insecurities cuds beat and leave me to die// |
that shit was aight son....just work on it some more aight,,,.,, good shit though and post this in the right place like the open mic forum aight.........
|
this was a dope verse. you had some good structure, the vocab was ight, and the multis defintly had you up there in rank.
what i can suggest, is get deeper within your bars.. like the shit with the roses line... it was a dope line which you could of got deeper into..and flipped some ill shit.... other than that.. you got some talent... drop open mic pieces.. and keep doint the damn thing. |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 12:22 PM. |