RapVerse.com Community

RapVerse.com Community (http://community.rapverse.com/index.php)
-   Poetic Scriptures (http://community.rapverse.com/forumdisplay.php?f=9)
-   -   My Portrait (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=59703)

Rhombus 06-21-03 06:57 AM

My Portrait
 
-my portrait-

Why must the painter use brushes old and tarnished,
as if my soul has been cleansed with the tides of regret
and loss.

Why must my smile be stroked with the finest lines of pain,
a radient smile, encased in a canvas of black emptiness.
His strokes are slow and at times undecided,
he onlooks with an undisclosed question of what to do next.

Why is there a sky with a limit for a view,
as if my sence of place are these four textured boarders
empty of a plot.

Why is my world laid in the contrast between black and white,
as world that people say has much to offer,
yet his pallet speaks of two colors
a shaded light and a darkened world that seems so perplexed.

I look at my painting often, the one that hangs for all to see,
with the roughed brushes and rushed strokes
that came from all angles set from a low degree.
All questions surface, then are quickly laid to rest,
the world is a beauty, yet he painted me amonst this mess.

love...

The Necromancer 06-21-03 07:06 AM

Thats some pretty nice material. Obviosly the imagry was amazing and on top. It doesn't have the conventional construction, but yet the flow was just running like a smooth river. The concept aint all that much, theres been lots of poetry involving a person and a painting and a canvas and such. But you still come off unique. And that hard to do.

So some real nice material indeed.

~Shalom~

Rhombus 06-22-03 05:52 PM

Thanks man, I truely apperciate your comments, thanks again man


love..

K.E.M 06-22-03 11:56 PM

i liked this, a lot...way it was done was great along with the ending, very nice ending...lets see...expression of it was the best..just the whole of it..put some good emotion into it.
came out very nicely.

one love

phoenix808 06-23-03 01:38 AM

nice, I am just speechless, this is the first time I couldn't think of anything bad to say about a poem, I hope you keep it up, peace

shiznit 06-23-03 02:58 AM

very good stuff right there....i agree with necro...very creative imagery...i loved how the way u structured it....damn! vocabs are well used ......the flow was definitely up...props for those..

hmm the only thing is that the description of the painter couldve been better represented but...its alright i liked it either way

the unique approach on the content of the whole piece definitely is gold...i loved it!

nice job....hopin to read more

SmoothCrmnl 06-23-03 02:48 PM

eyo man this poem was great - keep up what ya doin

holla

Rhombus 06-24-03 09:24 AM

Thanks for all the love everyone, it's greatly appreciated! I take all comments to heart and hope to learn from them, even positive feedback helps, thanks again.

love...

Rhombus 06-25-03 03:49 AM

*dances*

Rhombus 06-28-03 11:27 PM

one last time

Content 06-28-03 11:51 PM

Why must the painter use brushes old and tarnished,
as if my soul has been cleansed w

BabyGurl68 06-30-03 01:55 AM

damn, nice work, i liked how it flowed in and outta deepness, nice work, keep up

Tutti 06-30-03 01:59 AM

Your work was deep.I totally understand it.Just keep up the good work.Peace

varentao 07-01-03 08:10 PM

I remember a piece you did a while back...and that was quite brilliant..

..and this one shows (along with that one) that you've got a poetic pen for sure...really got a way with cleverly bringing words together...painting pictures with such vivid (yet also at times cryptic...deep at the least) imagery...

...but answer me this. Was the 'love' at the end meant to be part of the piece? Cos i can see how it'd fit in there. But also how it wouldn't...if you catch my drift..

...resp...

Rhombus 07-05-03 05:36 AM

I feel you man, nah it's just something that I add in there in each of my posts, I guess, depending on how you view the piece, you can come to your own conclusions. Thanks for all the love, I haven't been around in a while, had somethings to work out, things that surfaced while this poem was made, thanks, it's greatly apperciated!!

love..


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 07:45 AM.