"I dont know" by Shiznit edited by Anonymous
 

There are no exact words that would elaborate my feelings deep within
Pure abstract verbs brewed that tolerate steering few steps back out and in
Inspite the fact we viewed few moderate mishaps dealing with another skin
Ive kept distract on others screwed deteriorate scores as ive stayed where ive been

Left you hooked up with ur past as ur unhappy cheers strangled my whole body
Conversations shooked and dropped for a month and confided fears with somebody
Tears lived for centuries in my eyes waiting to evaporize into thin air uncontrollably
Clearly believed that this path im heading would decrease my chances of love eternally

Misunderstandings by mistake forced thoughts of strong discomfort on my account
"I GIVE UP" were the last three words in my mind as my heart says "DONT EVER FALL DOWN"
Intolerable pains of deception i struggle to survived as lost hearts melt for me on a rebound
Truth came out un-masked revealing the un reasoning passion enamored all around

Astounded by the fact that this existing devotion is not just some harmless infatuation
Simple "HI" from you is enough to get my day going through this world of constant trepidation
We sorted inanimate things out and came to the conclusion that there's always been a close relation
Chemistry relived each moment as we opened up strong feelings and unextinct admiration

"Friends for now" was the phrase u said that almost crashed my unbelievable attachment
"Im always gonna be here" were my words to you eventhough u rejected my reaction
"Im hurt" u said to me for some joke that made me say my "Im sorry" statement
"I love you" is the phrase that revived my life from a "heart disengagement"

From griefs and aches of loneliness to contentment of powerful cheerfulness
Retarded "Tampons are expensive" talks are enjoyable regardless of my inferiority complex
"uhhh..yeah..mmhmm...ehhh...errr" priceless moments of us getting speechless
Incredible morning rhythms are the best part of my new found happiness

Ive waited a long ass time for you to realize that u deserve a lot better like ive been told
To be honest, i dont know what i did for you to deserve this and that makes me troubled
Doubled the the desire for me to reach my goal of unending smiles a thousand folds
Mark my word baby " me and you , together are gonna grow old"...thats my future holds

I thought love was all bullshit but now i know there's always gonna be someone out there perfect for you
Someone that would make u feel a "dork" thinking about how ur inlove and devotedly true
No matter how u find the right person either short or long distance or even exactly 718 miles a few
It would only take "11 cds" for me to finally hear "I want to spend the rest of my life with you"

wow..ur vocab is just....uh..up there..lol..nice imagery...Good piece...lines were long..so i had to read them a couple times...and remember to reply back...its only NICE!!..God bless..1.

thanks lady....yeah it was pretty long.....and i know that some lines are really hard to understand and only one person would know what im talkin bout on here.....:) :)

but im glad u liked it tho... uppin!

eyo eyo eyo...its about time i could feel wwhat someone was writing...fashow girl you got true talent and U know that....i loved the piece ----- the use of imagery and the vocab was out of this world....keep doin you

fashow lady

ah, nice lengthy piece..enjoyed it a lot....could feel your emotions of it too..ending was real nice,liked that last line a lot..was just, ha..bam. expression of it, emotion...attitude...all there...written real well.keep it up girl.

one love

smooth criminals like lil bow wow or sommit....any hoo this was nice...your last lines seems like this...

if you had a week to live id wanna die after being sixer
so I could never go a day without her I love her I miss her...

okay maybe not but you deserve somethin like that..like me....
maybe not..but love dont cost a thing...all my life is all I..eehh

okay..a book of synonums does a lot for any patron to exemplify a
wonderful display of lyrics and you did your thing on this here.

you flipped your thoughts well through the whole thing and that had my attention throughout this.

never ussed trepidation before in a sentence or heard it but its probaly allong the lines of turmiol or travesty....not because of the t factor but they come to mind with the word...this was nice reply back

Nice imagery and vocab Shiz,
i would fully break it down....
but i think i'd break down 1st...lol

piece was very good from the start
i liked the way you opened it
and was nice to see such a lengthy piece
that didnt fall off at all


anyways.....ish was good

pz.

Extremely nice piece gurl, my type of piece, i could relate to it. Vocab on point, u uisnt interesting words that prove your intelligent and it shows creativeness but u aint being bigheaded about it so everyone knows what your talking about, some nice wordplay in there as well, superb piece

it was so nearly an A* but at da mo u have to settle for

Eborted verdict- A

wow....i thought these would never get replies ya know....
and now all these...damn guys i feel soooooooo loved...LOL

smooth...i dont really have a talent...i just write what i want and what my brain wants me to write...its quite amazing cuz if only my brain could write ..it will write all words in my head for sure...non stop ...thanks man...

K.E.M....yeah i liked the last lines too...someone broke it down for me....from miles to days to hours to minutes to songs to how many songs per cd to how many albums u can listen to until u reached 718 miles....not bad huh? LOL....glad u liked it!

Flowz....lol @ that lil bow wow comment...and yeah "trepidation" is a deep word that came from my special someone.. ;) he's smart..he thought of that....hehehe...but yeah thanks!

Addlibb....u can never break down mine...thats my thing yo...hahaha..but yeah u can break down all u want...LOL...but im really glad u liked it even though its pretty long...very much appreciated...

MRB....im an A student man....u just gotta believe me ...hahaha....i like ur stuff in open mic too...u got mad talent...ur like A++++ ya know LOL...but yeah thanks...


my piece for me to share ....thanks guys!

That was great, i loved the scheme, it suggested you have experienced this, and your releasing tension, it's a releiving feeling, you drop the cliche of established poems...
It's original and emotional poignant, it's the shiznit, BIATCH

And are you sure arachibutyrophobia exists? ;)

thanks deceit...and yesh arachibutyrophobia really do exists....

hehehe...i think ive encountered some of 'em awhile back..;)

are you sure ur not arachibutyrophobic???..now thats a question..hehehe

i put a lot of effort on this....dammit


no more feedbacks?? :( :( :(

That's what they do here, shiznit..sleep. You being a mod should know. Although I can't talk. I haven't really replied to anyone's stuff yet. But here's my first..

Emotion poured out of this. The vocab you used on this made it a lot better. Whenever I write, my intelligence..or lack of it, shows very much. Instead of using 1000 little words to get your point across you used 1 pretty big one. So I liked that part of it.

The content of it was good. You wrote one of those typical boring love poems in a different way which made it more fun to read.

I liked the set up you had too. 4 lines to a paragraph..I guess they call them paragraphs? Or stanzas? Well anyways, I liked that. They are usually harder to read when all bunched up into one long story with no breaks. So...Good job.

^ Hmm.. thats a lie considering I did an IP check and your other alias is Legendary and you respond to lots of poems on here.. :rolleyes:

Anyway, I really enjoyed this poem. I could relate to a lot of it and your use of words was very nicely done. I really don't know what else to say that hasn't been said already, so I guess I will just leave it at that. :)

hi jen
this was dope.
your huge vocabulary astounds me. I am awed.
The emotion in this surpasses most pieces.
The most emotional shit I've seen people write seems cold and removed compared to this. I really felt it.
the closing line was amazing.
Peace