Dark Place! Check it out...
 

This is the verse for a rap i'm recording sometime this week -

I cant stand it man, i'm in some kinda place
where all i can feel is the swet on ma face
i'm all haisy, sweatin, regrettin' tired and lazy
i'm hearing Jay Z, this shit is crazy
like a nightmare that plays me, it's gonna phase me
I can’t breathe move or anything, it's de-brained me
must be in my subconscious an imagination
but can hear a crackly radio station
I need some kind of knowledge, some information
I see images of sliced wrists, in a basin
it doesn't make any sense, and it's dark all over
loosed my stability, poisoned from a cobra
i'm feeling the wind, and im gettin colder
this is some x-files shit, with no moulder
i'm freezing, wrinkled, and 50 years older
my shoulders feel a heavy weight, like a bolder
that has soiled me into the ground, made a little mound
i'm shouting, but you cant, hear any sound
i'm gettin dissy, the whole room's spinning around
like i'm a toy hound, in the bottom of lost and found
barking, whilst symatainstly gettin' wound
I hear people laughin', am i gettin clowned
you don’t know, i don’t know, does anybody know
I need some answers, but i'm not gonna get them though
i'm tryin to find a gap, in this dark aura
but everytime i move my body, muscles get sorer
I feel pressure pushing down, it won’t let up
and from all around, i hear voices shoultin "GET UP"
it's impossible to move, and i'm totally fed up
I hear a phone someone’s ringing my, uncle ted up
"hi, this is ted, who am i speaking to"
"shut the fuck up, one wrong move, and he is through"
"dahhhhhh" the phone hung up and they were gone
weird music started playin', like an encoded song
I couldn't understand a word, everything was wrong
poisoned smoke seeped in, it choked me for long
suddenly the devil appeared and said "toke bitch toke"
he wanted money, but i had nothing, i was broke
people started laughing at me, tryin to provoke
but suddenly it all stopped, and I woke


Please give me feedback, thanks...

this gets 50 IQ points the best score i have ever given,u beat 28 points that i gave someone else on another site.peace

^ what the fuck, ^

don't post replies that are meaningless.

this was not all that good, it had
some flow to it, i don't understand
the points you were trying to get
across, i'd like to hear it in audio for
sure. hit me up if you have any ?'s
or need help. Sand Of Night...pz
that's my aim

^^^ i agree....i mean the flow was pretty dope but the content is really confusing....i got lost every line...try to like be more descriptive..wordplay and some metas would help ...like u can interpret more what u were talkin about...

keep elevatin!

haha, i had a feeling you would get confused. I written it so you would get confused on the first few looks at it, it's like a fucked up dream all over the place. I did intend it to sound weard.