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Who Is It
Gonna be an Audio jus want some feedback before i drop it -
Who Is It ? Who is it,is it ma enemies,is it a guy thats a thug and can make u go weak at tha knees/ is it a asshole who only has debts,fees,no gees why would u do this don't do it please/ i need ta know,i'm feelin low,u was ma gurl i had feelins for u deeper than i do ma own bro/ this shit got me feelin needy,don't be greedy,only wanted u to be ma child's moma and to have babee/ what were sayin,that i was betrayin,i was layin in tha sac pretendin i didn't do nuthin,and i was jus playin/ that was jus somthin that ur gurls were spreadin and i was dreadin,and to think i wanted ur daddy to go pay for our weddin/ tha shit is jus shokin,aint no longer boot knockin,but there aint no other gurls that i wanna be clockin/ ur gone now i have no one to cuddle upto and kiss,no one to have a laugh with when i'm high or out on tha piss/ Chorus 1 - MIchael Jackson And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/ coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/ don't you judge of my composure coz i'm lyin to myself/ and tha reason why she left me is she found someone else/ gurl i would have given u it all,now u don't even call,i feel lika ama fall but i'll stand tall/ i'm a strong male,but without u i'm lookin pale,goin through life at tha pace of a snail/ gettin high just to get by,i no longer wanna try,i have dreams and we're together but they false and i'm askin why/ why did u leave,now i findin it hard to breathe,i don't know who u with now but i swear i never deceived/ how can i make it better,it was u who taught me to be a go getter,u said u loved me and no one could make u wetter/ i also love u back as i'm explainin on this track,i no longer wanna be a pimp,playa or a mac/ alls i want is you,we callin each other boo,and it'll be like cinderella u tha missin princess and i got ur shoe/ but is it too late,have ur girlfriends signed ma fate,do u still love me or has it all turned to hate/ Chorus 2 - Michael jackson And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/ coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/ don't you judge of my composure coz i'm bothered everyday/ and she didn't leave a letter she jus upped and ran away/ Who is It ? now u've moved away,u probably don't wanna real relationship u jus wanna play around and get layed/ that typa shit aint no longer for me,i jus want u to see,that u,me will equal tha happiest tha two of us could ever be/ you gave me tha mental and physical love ma body desired,i never was tired i jus aspired to do right by you and give you everything u required/ i wanna be there for you through thick and thin,please tell me how can i win,your heart back coz it's all lies i never commited a sin/ these bars are jus an expression of tha pain i'm feelin,no love for me,no sexual healin,alls i can do is start dealin/ but i can't i'm stuck on our love,u was as beautiful as a white dove/ we had hard times and good,we always got by and provided each other with plentiful clothes,affection and food/ alls i wanna know now is who is it you with,coz this cheatin shit got me confused and angry and i'm pleadin tha fifth/ Who Is It ? Chorus 3 - Michael jackson is it a friend of mine,to me i'm bothered,who is it,somebody hurt ma soul,who is it And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/ coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/ don't you judge of my composure coz i'm lyin to myself/ and tha reason why she left me is she found someone else/ And it doesn't seem to matter and it doesn't seem right/ coz tha will has brought no function still i cry alone at night/ don't you judge of my composure coz i'm bothered everyday/ and she didn't leave a letter she jus upped and ran away/ i'm askin Who is it,Who Is it gurl i need ta know,If not me who ? THANKS FOR TAKIN THA TIME TO READ PEEPS |
Uppin for feedback peeps.
Peace |
Uppin this yo it's long but feedback will be appreciated peeps.
Peace |
yo this is hot westy...you should really put it to audio and it will be even better 4sho
nice shit 8/10 |
Fairly Well Written Yes... Strayed Off Topic A Bit Yes...
But Overall Well Written Peice... Props |
Thanks peeps Uppin
Peace |
Uppin Peeps
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i felt this indeed
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Uppin Dawgs
Peace |
Shiznit's THoughts:
VOCABULARY >not at all much in it but how the way u used those simple words made the whole piece really interesting to read. "alls i want is you,we callin each other boo,and it'll be like cinderella u tha missin princess and i got ur shoe" ^^^^^^>the whole cinderella was really romantic....used plain vocabs then support them with some symbols that made some lines really cool..props! FLOW > fits...it was smooth..u could almost like sing with it ya know...and yeah u stick with longer line by line..tight! CONTENT > what of course teh confusion...the doubt of self...the pain...the emotions....i really liked how the way u was trying to figure out who's really that ur girl with...like u feel like he's all better than you and ur soo damn curious of wanting to know...like a twisted brain of a pyromaniac waiting to lit a fire every second...but yeah that was nice WORDPLAY >multies reflected the whole artistic sorta kinda way trip of this piece... "Who is it,is it ma enemies,is it a guy thats a thug and can make u go weak at tha knees is it a asshole who only has debts,fees,no gees why would u do this don't do it please" ^^^The opening part was well executed toouch of multies...that was good OVERALL >definitely wanna hear this in audio..i could hear it now...heh nice job! |
^thank you for tha comments^
U were really feelin this drop i think as u explained it tha way it was meant to be seen. Peace |
it was nice i'll give u about 8.5/10
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damn seem to be an 8.5 - 9 kinda dude,lookin for tha illustrious 9.5 - 10,Thanx for takin tha time to read though dawg.
Peace |
Sorry, I Wasn't Feeling This The Least Bit .
Basic Rhyme Scheme, Stretched Lines, Poorly Structured Bars, No Flow. No Lines Stuck Out To Me as Powerful, Or Of Any Good Composed. This Was Just Basic, & If You Do This In Audio, You Will Have The Worst Flow In The Songs Forum . I Give This A 4. |
boo. take jae's breakdown
and take my rating of 2 don't make it into audio. |
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