..UpSet..
 

Cant cope with my daily life, I’m about to have a wife,
Its stupid yeah, I feel like cutting my self with a knife.
I write rhymes, And spill my guts through a pen and paper,
Im no thug but I write the realness so I guess Im no faker.
Got a watch and im steady breaking clock just to kill time,
I’ll write my lyrics as brail just so you can feel my rhymes.
Today was cool I guess, Im trying to stop the fuckin stressed,
Afraid to go to church, You see I wanna be straight blessed.
Im writing in text, This wackness is getting under my skin,
Slowly but surely, Im beginning to turn into a tin.
I’d be fly if I was dope like krupp or abolish or maybe listen,
But I take beatens like I was losing ground as on a mission.
My raps aren’t what you call great, But tell me whats at stake,
I’ve got my ass handed to me many of times and on a plate.
Im screaming rape! I try to learn but none will teach me skills,
Guys have nothing to worry about while Im steady paying bills.
To you all im a bitch, Yeah cuz I cant write like you im a newb,
I guess that tells you all that I have nothing, Im screwed.
It’s a lose, lose situation for me why wont someone show me,
Surely but slowly, I will learn eventually.
Ive taken hits to the jaw so many times from you guys punches,
So I don’t bump my gums, I lost my appetite for lunches.
I guess I am a dunce, I have nothing better to do but be down,
You guys will probably clown me until I hit the ground.
Im not safe and sound, I want the world to know I can be loud,
Second2None and i.E told me to say fuck the world and be Proud.

dont be so pissed.. read mine. urs is good though.

Thanks for peeping come on more replies..1

This Was A Nice Drop I Give U A 8.2/10..Nice Peice Man..Keep Droppin

I agreee with Que on this. it was a tight piece...im more genorous though, i'll give you an 8.5.lol
You have what it takes to drop some hot shit, keep spittin

Thanks for peeping mangs 1..

Stop giving one line replies just to advertise your drops. Do this agian and you are banned from this forum.

this was an okay piece. it flowed pretty well.
you should up your vocab, and not be quite so pissed off about stuff.
Storytelling helps that. Tryn write a story on a dope topic, you get a better responce from people too.

oh, and cut it out with the one line replies. they piss everyone off.
okay?
Peace

Ight i will stop doing that..

Hey man, I liked it a lot. Topic was good....I dont know if you were tryin to make a point or not becuz your vocab was low and if someone is tryin to make a point, They usually are low on their vocab. Metaphors might help out a little, not all the time though. I liked your rhyme sceme, feel off in some points. This peice was good, I'll give you an 7/10. Nice Drop, Keep Spittin....I'll be sure to check out more of your peices

End. Ra Ill is Notorius for freeposting.
this piece wasn't that bad in comparison
with most of the stuff up right now. but
yeah. keep it up. quit the one line replies
all of you kids. we will ban you from the
forum. alrite.....................................pz

Shiznit's Thoughts:

Vocabulary...plain words were used to empower simplicity over typicality. More use of deeper words would attract the reader to like read more and shit.....

Flow...average and smooth...nothing really special...it fitted the whole verse...just some slid distinct drop error..but that aint really affect the whole verse.

WORDPLAY...metas and multies were hardly use...it just i think for the fact thats its written to how style u want it to be..props!

CONTENT...the whole true to life emotions and on how u relate and state ur inner feelings that made you write this kind of verse...its ordinary but on how u wrote it..that just made all those words that u used worth being part of the whole thing

OVERALL...simple piece that indicates a lot of emotions...i liked it


I SAID:

We still elevatin..join us!