two poems that i've written, feeling you and cant be with u
 

Feelin You
I Get lost, ma, just lookin at ur stature
Every time I see u, I would I had a camera so I could capture
Ur beauty cuz ur body has no imperfections
I wanna ask u out, but I don?t wanna get the rejection
U kno I like u, u can set this off by pressing the button for our ejection
I get lost?lookin at ur eyes my body goes FREEZE
U kno I would treat u good, ur the one I wanna please
I love it how everything on the inside and outside of u just aligns
I love it how I look at ur skin, so radiant it just shynes
Ur hair, smellz like a field of roses and daisys
Ur face with no defects it drives a nigga crazi
How the hell u still single, and don?t have a man
I?ma do all I can
To make me n u together, just have our own conjuction
With out u gurl my body wouldn?t even function
U smell intrigues me, n leaves a nigs mind blank like a piece of a sheet
Ur the onli one on my mind, even while walkin down the street
I?m feelin u gurl, I wanna bring happiness to ur life no more compications
I aint like the rest of these nigs, I?m straight up, no bs, nomore goin thru the negations
Xo.


Can?t Be With You
Starin out my window, I?m thinken of my x baby
Feeling so much shyt at once, somebody please come save me
Still have feelings for you why the hell am I still into this position
I kno is stopped thingz, I did this to myself it was my own decision
Feeling like shyt at the moment, my hearts starting to cry
Do my eyes not catch you like before n make you flutter inside?
Am I ugli?..or am I not as cute as b4?
Will my memoriez be lost and stored inside a drawer?
All I kno now is that I need u here, back to my side
Shyt hurtz so much its something I cant hide
I love you, n I cherish the times it was me and you alone
All the times we would laugh and talk till late while on the phone
Its cause a you ma, that in the morning I would jump out from unda my sheetz
Still remember all the times we would stop n make out in the streetz
But it aint bout me cuz now I?m nothing???.
Its about?.you and ur new nigga, because me n u dead
?CANT BE WITH YOU??.. the words is starten to scream in my head,
but I wish with all my soul that I was speaking hypothetically
4get all the otha gurlz, u was more than J.Lo, my x-gurl, my own celebrity
to late for that now, its goin bed, gonna be put to rest
I?m worthless now, nada, confused, dazed n depressed





i really hope that ya like em, but tell me the truth eitha way...thnks

Is using question marks in the place of apostrophes the new cool way to type?

Anyways, I didn't really like the first one. Wasn't feeling it much. It looked really forced with the rhyming and some of the stuff you said in it.

The second one I thought was good, though. I felt it more than the first one. It had more heart in it. More emotion to it. I could relate more to it since I went through something like that a little while back.

"I love you, n I cherish the times it was me and you alone"

That was my favorite line.

lol my bad for the typos....fuck it tho......n thnks for the suggestions..the first one was written from the heart, and the first was just written from the dome....and thanks i really appreciate that

i liked the second one alot betta then the first one, the second had more feelin rather than in the first one where it it kinda was made to rhyme n a couple of things threw me off in the beginning, overall nice work keep it up

nothin I can say that hasn't been said, cept if these are about you keep your head up and feel better. keep up the good work

peace

Both were quite simplistic. Maybe stuck too rigidly to the rhyme scene. But hey, as i said, simplistic.

But yeah, to the point. Emotions seemed strong. And it was straight.

..resp...

Shiznit's Thoughts:

FIRST ONE:

kinda not feelin it all the way although it had some good messages and content..but on how the way u structured and arranged the piece...it got weak..some words didnt fit or even reacts at the others...but its interesting...u tried..and it good to try


SECOND ONE:

i actually liked this one better than the first one..for some reason u made this one a bit more organized and the rhyme scheme was better and quite interesting on the content of this...props


OVER ALL

both great pieces.