Only Us
 

Title: Only Us

We held hands on the last night on earth,
Our mouths were filled with dust,
We kissed in the fields and under trees,
Screaming like dogs,
Bleeding dark into the leaves.
It was empty on the edge of town,
but we knew everyone floated along the bottom of the river.
So we walked through the waste,
to where the road curved into the sea,
and where shattered seasons lay.
And the bitter smell of burning was on you like a disesase,
In our cancer of passion you said
"Death is a midnight runner."

The sky had come crashing down like the news of an intimate suicide.
We picked up the shards and formed them into the shapes of stars that wore like an antique wedding dress.
The echos of the past broke the hearts of the unborn,
as the ferris wheel silently slowed to a stop.
The few insects skitterd away in hopes of a better pastime.
I kissed you at the apex of the maelstrom,
and asked if you would accompany me in a quick fall,
but you made me realize that my ticket wasn't good for two,
I rode alone.

You said "The cinders are falling like snow."
There is poetry in despair,
and we sang with unrivaled beauty,
bitter elegies of savegry and elequence,
of blue and grey.
Strange, we ran down desperate streets
and carved our names in the flesh of the city.
The sun has stagnated somewhere beyond the rim of the horizon,
and the darkness is a mystery of curves and lines,
Still, we lay under the emptiness,
and drifted slowly outward,
and somewhere in the wilderness,
we found salvation scratched into the earth like a message.
We were saved.

Oops, I screwed up the title, 'Forgotten' should say 'Only Us' my bad

STand Corrected..Nothing Was Bad At All Abot This...ANd My Girl Said My Handwriting Was Like A Girls Cause It Was Better Than Hers..o Knocking Bt Before I Looked At Your Avatar I Thought I Was Reading A Girl Scrpit...None The Less Your Storytelling And
Imagery Was On Point All the Way Through Man

Well Done

~Content~

Shiznit's Thoughts:

VERY creative indeed.

Vocabs are well used on this one...rhyme scheme was unsteady and quite complex use of words...

the very meaning of the piece really made this whole thing stood out a lot

very nice...drop more!

Thanks alot.

uppin

I changed the title to what you wanted. Only Us. If yoiu need to change it again, just go to edit.



This was a piece put together very nicely. You bought it out using some strong story telling, especially strong imagery.

But what made it that bit better was that it seemed quite hearfelt. Tailed off towards the middle in that sense. But overall, came over very nicely...

..resp...

Thanks more, I should probably pay attention to things like the edit button.

uppin

uppin uppin uppin

that poem was real...Im new here...and almost anything i look at seem creative in diffrent ways...This poem was delivered perfect..with the words you used i could get a vivid picture in my head...it reminds me of something i read about a year ago....but anyway...im feeling it..and look forward to reading more of your peices

One
ShorteRoc