i took ya ppl'z advice...check it out
 

i use ta be ritaculed for my preferance of music/
sit alone at home an constantly get lost in it/
was haven a hard time written appropriate/
nobody thought it was quite adequate/
I'm taken my time on this rhyme...i'm payin attention/
i'll try an write summin for you'z with a lil suspension/
wen you read it it'll leave you wit a sence of self-approbation/
droppin spits hopefully now dat are extraodinary/
i'm tryin wut u people tell me so this may be a contrary/
This better be a good drop wit vocabulary/
If you actually listen to some negitivity/
it helps you get past that simplicity/
Thanks everybody made me do something differently/
usually i write about life an why mine is unique/
critique everything now before i speak/
you ever felt down or weak? waitin tobe demolished/
went hard even though u wasnt good u didnt let'em be vanished/
If you were in my position an nobody liked you spittin/
wud you juz give up an say your quitin?/
or would you stop half steppin, strive to keep on progressing/
for everything you were longing for was downreaching/
wud you go wonna stop breathing an meet the devil/
anatomized my lyrical tendicies u made me stronger/
the adjective was for them to get better/
uncommen structure willing it maybe pecuiler/
a peice that cats may think is more proper..../

i hope you people enjoy it...i have a hard time written in stanzas but any advice u people can loan me i'd like ta have it

So, basically.. You just took our advice, and spit about nothing in particular?

Come on, flow on a topic man. It will actually make people want to read it .. Entertain us!

you got the idea, now flow with some content. vocab is a tool, not a crutch. do or do not, there is no try, young jedi
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=63290

that was a topic.. how he took advice and used it, the rhyme was proof... I thought it was pretty good, some a'ight vocab and shit.. work on rhyming a more complex bar now.. instead of AB AB, try an AA BB combo ... nah-m-say'n..

This Was Still Weak . .


Flow Was Weak Throughout The Entire Peice , Content Was Blah. Had No Concept, Forced Vocab . . . .


Keep Working.