Death- an ode
 

interceptions from another world, caught between a gaping black hole and the flourescent white light, lost, lost, lost, pieces of memory float around, fellings of sorrow greif helplessness loss, feelings of care intimacy amazment love, the misconception that there be nothing, nothing from life to death, there is more than nothing, it is the irrelivant causes which are strewed upon those who cant or cannot do anymore, those are the feelings or anguish, those are the feelings of death

- its supposed to first off show how differnet people feel about death ( or so how ive heard people talk about it) an then in the end how i feel about death please drop some HONEST feedback

Seemed like a freetype to me...

...was decent enough to. The concept was there. And i could see how you were trying to force it through. Using such things as repitition to echo...

...but i felt you over did it..over elaborating and playing on certain parts a bit too much. Plus you made a few general mistakes. Like when you wrote "cant or cannot".

Still, i can most definetly see that you got potential to elevate much further. The concept, how you tried to write it...

...resp...

PS

I've seen it before. So i got to ask. Who is that in your avatar?

o thats juelz santana from the diplomats u know camron an them....but thanks for the feedback most respected from you no matter what you say