|
Hiroshima judgement!
I woke up to see the clouds over head FORMING
DRAWING back my curtains to see just another MORNING HUMMING to myself as I get washed and ready for what lies AHEAD DREAD from the possible news of my older brothers DEATH but BLESSED That the emperor has decided to slow done on this WAR NO MORE could I take another death in a battle there is no NEED FOR We can’t fight MORE this fighting has left our capital’s spirit RAW And It’s only a matter of days before our nation will finally FALL Outside I help my mother in preparing the divine emperor’s SUPPLIES Our city has been lucky as it is out of where the MAIN TARGETS LIE The humidity of the day has left us all SWEATING CHECKING my little brother I move on to the NEXT THING The setting is unusual the birds seem to have DISAPPEARED With the sound of engines I see that something in the sky has APPEARED Through a hole in the clouds I can see something FALLING DRAWING my attention it seems to take hours… I can’t see, this power is so IMMENSE My skin is burning the heat is so INTENSE I SENSE the death of many but the air is too DENSE Looking down I see the skin of my BODY MELT What I FELT is something I cannot understand why I have been DEALT I scream as I see my bones underneath the exposed MUSCLE The screams in the BUSTLE Children melted onto the walls my mind is in a MUDDLE I cant move as my feet are melted to the FLOOR The death of my family and this pain is too much to ENDURE Through the darkness I can see the shape of a MUSHROOM The devil has arrived I try shouting to everyone that they MUST MOVE I cant find the air my mouth is full of BLOOD I’ve had ENOUGH I can no longer see the human LOVE Up in the sky I can see THE BLACK RAIN FALLING It’s burning my eyes I can hear the OTHER SIDE CALLING This morning everything had seemed like a time of CHANGE But I cannot understand why the demons would give us so much PAIN The last visions from my eye sight are depictions from the true meanings of HELL Our brothers FELL in battle but this punishment on us makes our bodies SWELL I fall down in hope that these poison winds bring CHANGE STRANGE how it takes human suffering for society to break from IT'S CHAINS My peoples NAMES shall only die to be forgotten in TIMES FLOW As the MINDS GROW we begin to see what those up HIGH KNOW We bear this PAIN so that it shall never be inflicted AGAIN The HATE among peoples is an emotion which will eventually be SLAIN…. Aight hit me up with some constructive criticism I will not reply to your thread if you give me some shitty one liners! Peace! |
|
Oneliner: This was Tight, Peep My Shit Back!
Lol, Just J/k... You Had a Killa Concept, Don't Think Anyone Has Done A Piece On Hiroshima Before, Although Don't Put All The Rhyming Words LIKE THIS, You Know! The Flow Was Aight, But Was A Little Choppy In Some PLaces, You tried To Put Multis in: Up in the sky I can see THE BLACK RAIN FALLING It’s burning my eyes I can hear the OTHER SIDE CALLING, Which Helped The Flow Alot! Expand Your Vocab, It Was A Little Too Basic, Some People Say That EXpanded Vocab Is Confusing, But To Me It Shows That You Spent Time On The piece, NOt Just Using 3 Letter Words, You KNow? Overall:7/10, Could Have Improved It A Bit, But It Was Still A Aight Piece! |
that was tight drop man...'ll edo whatcha said an try an get a better content an up myt vocab check out my nice drop peace
|
thaz good man
|
im going with Rythmic sed....
and plus havin some1 dropin some shit bout Hiroshima is pretty dope.....But,ppl were tellin me "i need to up my vocab" wen i thought,fuck my vocabs aight......but believe bro.....cuz i saw the diffirence.....peace... yo....check my shit out..... http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=62756 |
You Had a Killa Concept, Don't Think Anyone Has Done A Piece On Hiroshima Before, Although Don't Put All The Rhyming Words LIKE THIS, You Know!
The Flow Was Aight, But Was A Little Choppy In Some PLaces, You tried To Put Multis in: Up in the sky I can see THE BLACK RAIN FALLING It’s burning my eyes I can hear the OTHER SIDE CALLING, Which Helped The Flow Alot! Expand Your Vocab, It Was A Little Too Basic, Some People Say That EXpanded Vocab Is Confusing, But To Me It Shows That You Spent Time On The piece, NOt Just Using 3 Letter Words, You KNow? [/B][/QUOTE] this pretty much explained everything, nothing else much needed to say. The topic was one of the most unusual...even though alot more unusual ones came by. The vocab does need work but other than that, this was a good piece. peep my piece with Rythmic Tendicies called 110% Raw Remix |
that imagery summed up in one word= **puts on keanu reeves voice** woah
the originality, stunning. well worth the read man, always coming with something a little bit different. show the newbies how to do it. |
| All times are GMT -4. The time now is 05:06 PM. |