dear dad/dear mom
 

Dear Dad did you hear my crys last night./
Did you hear the evil thoughts i had to fight./
No you didn't you never do you said you hope i die./
Well i hope i die to then my pain from you will be through./
Hallucinations in my head screamin at me sayin im crap./
Screamin so loud but u don't hear, ur on a permanant nap./

Dear Mom did you hear my crys last night./
Did you see me in the mirror, boy tha visions i had to fight./
No i didn't get genius on my ACT but you wouldn't care./
I'm just that little lazy whore and u say life isn't fair./
Is that why your never there and you constantly pull my hair./
Or is that why you yelled at daddy for showing he cares./

Dear Parents, I know i'm not what u wanted./
Thats why at night i get constantly haunted./
Screamin at myself, damn its my fault i was born./
To you i'm an outkast like children of the corn./
Tonight is my last now i'll no longer not be wanted./
I'll let you have my lil bro and sis and let them be what ya wanted./
Just remember you had a girl that was never true./
She just loved you but you never saw in her truth./

Shiznit's THoughts:

hmm...the sorta kinda letter thing goin on was well written...as far as the emotions...i was feelin it..

this poem made me think of the song "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte...i dun kno if u ever heard of it..but when u hear it ..you would feel exactly those pains inside them...

here's the lyrics of the song...it was nice bu the only difference was..this song was dedicated to his dad and urs are to both parents..

Emotionless
(just wanna share...lol)

Hey dad,
I'm writing to you
not to tell you, that I still hate you
just to ask you
how you feel
and how we fell apart
how this fell apart

are you happy out there in this great wide world?
do you think about your sons?
do you miss your little girl?
when you lay your head down
how do you sleep at night?
do you even wonder if we're all right?

but we're all right
we're all right

it's been a long hard road without you by my side
why weren't you there all the nights that we cried
you broke my mother's heart
you broke your children for life
it's not ok,
but we're all right
I remember the days, you were a hero in my eyes,
but those were just a long lost memory of mine
I spent so many years learning how to survive
Now, I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive

the days I spent so cold, so hungry
were full of hate
I was so angry
those scars run deep inside this tattooed body
there's things I'll take to my grave
but I'm okay
I'm okay

it's been a long hard road without you by my side
why werent you there all the nights that we cried?
you broke my mother's heart
you broke your children for life
it's not ok,
but we're all right
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes,
but those were just a long lost memory of mine
Now, I'm writing just to let you know I'm still alive
yeah, I'm still alive


and sometimes
I forgive
and this time
I'll admit that I miss you, I miss you
hey dad

this one has a different meaning tho..but when i read urs it just made me think of this song...hehe

nice one lady....i really feelin this a lot...didnt put much vocab in it tho..but the content was very touching...keep it up!

it was off tha top of my dome..as i was cryin..and yea i got that song downloaded..good song!!

I completely felt this. I'm sorry you got to deal with this stuff. My situation isn't quite the same as this but I know where you're coming from. My parents used to drink a lot and I'd hear some shitty things from them about me. Bastards...anyways onto your poem.

You wrote this really well. I felt everything you said. You didn't make the shit all confusing and a huge metaphor so the reader don't understand what the hell is going on. You made it simple with a lot of emotion in it.

"Did you hear the evil thoughts i had to fight./
No you didn't you never do you said you hope i die./
Well i hope i die to then my pain from you will be through./
Hallucinations in my head screamin at me sayin im crap./"

Those lines brought up bad memories. I've heard those things said about me and I wished it would happen. I really felt those lines.

"Dear Parents, I know i'm not what u wanted./
Thats why at night i get constantly haunted./
Screamin at myself, damn its my fault i was born./
To you i'm an outkast like children of the corn./
Tonight is my last now i'll no longer not be wanted./
I'll let you have my lil bro and sis and let them be what ya wanted./"

Those are the other set of lines I really liked. There really isn't a whole lot more I can say about this. It was really good. Keep posting.

yo babe
 

good work babe. =)

WOW!! WAY to post up a nice one! lol..sorry had to say it

DAMN DAMN DAMNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN MISS TRINITY.....Impressive Emotional Piece wow Nice drop love the contend and how u writtin it....


Peep mine

http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=63738

Very emotional. I really do like how you get 'deep' with such simplicity. This cries out with your pain, a kind of pain held by a certain amount of 'logic'...it's hard to do that you know. Put such emotions with a kind of logic to it too. What i mean is, a logical way of looking at things.


...but you did it very well...

...resp...

I also thought that the depth u have in this poem using the more simple approach was amazing...for some, adding deep emotion to their pieces requires so much more.....and one other thing...
Way to post up a nice one!!!...lol
Peace

hush ya mouth...lol..thanx kid...i always respected ya opinion

ya this was nice, i went through the same shit back in the day, but i really liked this piece
keep droppin
peace

uppin