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From A Snipers Point Of View..
The Search
..I Scan The Horizon From My Hidden Position Searchin For A Target.. ..My Enemies Must Be Oblivious To My Presence So I Camou~Flaged-It.. ..It’s A Race-O’-Eyes Cus The Enemy Mustn’t Find Me Before I Find-Them.. ..I Place-Ma-Live In The Hands Of My Eyes, Reflexes, And Skills For Find-In.. ..Must Be Keenly Aware Of The Slightest Movement In My Surroundings.. ..Pronouncing To My Memory That I’ll Live Which My Brain Knows Would Be Astounding.. ..I Continue My covert Search For The Enemy And I Cant Blink Cus That Could Be The End-o’-Me.. ..Attentively Scour My Field Of Vision For The Enemy Cus Of The Sole Reason That I Have Some Sense-In-Me.. The Find ..Suddenly My Cosshairs Cross The Hairs Of An Opposing Sniper Soldier Who Had Just Found-Me.. ..Im Able To Feel His Emotionless Stare Touchin-Me And I Can Sense My Fear Mounting.. ..Time Slows Down And I Begin Feeling Like My Lifes A Football Replay To Show A Close-Call.. ..My Woes-All Swell Up But Most Of All I Just Don’t Think..Blankly Stare..No-Thought.. ..My Hands Are Sweating Profusely..Cus Im Gazin At Eyes That Want To Witness Their Bullet Enter-Me.. ..My Eyes Travel Past His Own Into His Head Where A Stone Wall Blocks His Thoughts And Memory.. ..I Begin Wondering What Hes Thinking..Does This Man Opposite Of Me Have A Family?.. ..Can-It-Be That Hes Not The Enemy But Just Like Me And We’re Just Victims Of Political Instanity?.. ..Or Does He Deserve This Horrible Death..To Rot In The Middle Of Nowhere Never To Be Found.. ..Does He Deserve For The Only Sign Of His Affect On History To Be A Name On A Memorial In A Small Town?.. The Shot ..I Remember That Im Dealin With A Matter Of Life Or Death And Decide To Alter His To A Matter Of Seconds.. ..Cautiously Place The Crosshairs Precisely At His Heart And He Was Doin The Same To Me I Reckon.. ..My Index On Violently Shaking On The Trigger As I Continued To Line Up The Shot.. ..For A Few Nanoseconds My Conscience Debated It..But Give In? No My Nationalism Would Not.. ..I Had Made My Decision And The Muscles In Tensed As The Bones In My Finger Moved Towards-Me.. ..Adrenaline Rush..For A Moment I Saw The Bullet Right Before-Me Then It Continued Its Trek And Fowardly.. ..Saw It Penetrate The Man’s Chest Inches From His Besmirched His Dog Tags Which Read “PHYLO 33rd-C”.. ..My Conscience Was Bursting In That Instant In Time But Im A Slave To Uncle Sam So I Returned To The Searching.. |
Umm...Feedback Would Be Nice...
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o.k:
The Search - This Verse Was Nice, Started The Piece Off Well, It Had Some Good MUlti's And Vocab! The Find - This Was To Me, The Best Verse. It Had Some Mad Imagry, The Flow Was Tight, However You Had One Or Two Weak lines: "Time Slows Down And I Begin Feeling Like My Lifes A Football Replay To Show A Close-Call.., Wasn't Really feeling That One! But You Came Back With This Bar: I Begin Wondering What Hes Thinking..Does This Man Opposite Of Me Have A Family?.. ..Can-It-Be That Hes Not The Enemy But Just Like Me And We’re Just Victims Of Political Instanity! The Shot - Was really Feeling This Verse! You Had Brutal Imagry And Emotion! The Flow Was Ill, Mostly Because You Had 2 Or 3 Words Rhyming IN A Line :) ! My Index On Violently Shaking On The Trigger As I Continued To Line Up The Shot.. ..For A Few Nanoseconds My Conscience Debated It..But Give In? No My Nationalism Would Not.. - That Bar KIlled The Whole Verse! Tight. Overall: 8.5/10, Was Tight, Could'nt Really See Anywhere To IMprove It. LIke The Way You Structure It, Really Blending IN With The Subject! |
Thx Man..Uppin Fa Feedback
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yeah dope ish dude.
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Ya'll Sleepin On Me..Well I Guess I'm Used To It But...GIMME SUM FEEDBACK..PLEEZ!!!
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I like the flow of it all nice job keep it up!
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Thx..:)
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Everything was nice in that pieace.
Imagery: 9.5. You have some of the best imagery... Flow: 8/10, your flow ain't bad, but sometimes you tried to fit too many words in one bar. Even so, your flow shined on this pieace Concept: 9.5/10, very good, conceptual piece.. OVERALL: 8.5/10 |
Quote:
Like Talib Kweli Huh ? Anyway..Thx Fam |
Damn..Lemme Get Atleast A Lil More Feedback
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^^^'<
Uppin.. |
Damnit Man..C'mon Gimme Sum FeedBack..PLEEEEEEEEEZ !
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I'm not feeling it that much. Just my opinion.
Sense |
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