life
 

lifes a bitch and shes never faithful, to describe her with one word... hateful/
just settle for the occasional handjob cuz she aint worth tryin to fuck, so what if she layable/
your considered easily deflatable, your far from irreplacable, her cold touch of death is unmistakable/
and if you take this bitch fo' granted, you get planted 6 feet under with your name carved in granite/
but ya gotta hand it to her,she planned it and then landed it, she throws ya content fo each of yo spits/
shes addictive yo, its hard to get over this ho, your cant turn your shoulder cold/
she'll convince you she got a heart of gold, but your whole perception is slowed as things unfold/
she'll play ya straight to ur face then stab ya in tha back, she'll break ya heart then laugh/
make ya feel like trash, put an end to you with a crash and a flash and leave ya thrashed/
wake you up with a cold blast of reality, make you relize that you'll never last/
make you think your very existance is a waste of space, she'll plant suicidal thoughts in ya mind without haste/
when you act on an impulse thats her work, you cant even comprehend how this bad bitch twerks/
she will hit you deep down and make it hurt, make you concieve thoughts that progress and continue to lerk/
you aint alone in this confrontation, contemplation got your heart racin, this bitch does her work across the nation/
she just sits back and admires her creation, she gets off by manipulating her current relations/
on inner pain she dwells, shes cold enough to sport a hoody in hell, her theme song is played out by hells bells/
many have fell to the hell she propells so well, she'll cause you to elevate and act suprised that you fell/

Shiznit's Thoughts:

VOCABULARY

>hmm...not bad some words are really confusing but as i read furthermore it turned out clear. You only used small amount of decriptive words but one suggestion.. if you threw out a couple of simple words here and there make sure you support them with more deep and strong ones to obtain an interesting structure to the piece...

FLOW

>i didnt reallly feel the flow much at all...i kept on thinking whats missing i mean when i read it out loud...i thought i was just reading them all wrong but i read it a few times but i couldnt seem to follow the drip of the piece..but it was good readin tho

WORDPLAY

>the rhyme scheme was very shaky couldve been better if u execute some words to fit in the flow...not very much multis and metas....if couldve add a couple of stuff on there but its all good could be better...


CONTENT

> the fact that these kind of pieces are very typical nowadays...ya kno with d whole "girls cause problems too much" kinda thing..u kno how that goes..but really really interesting piece

OVERALL

>not too bad....but its good to read...and yeah we're still elevatin...dont be afraid ask ppl...they can help in some ways..

nice job

it was more of comparing life to a female not just talking about a female