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Pictures On The Wall
Pale moonlight pierced into the blackness of the room
giving just enough light. It can never be safe to assume that you will forget the past, times that never last and all those Kodak moments put me in a mental cast I look onto the card paper, and you smile back at me the light in your eyes enchants. I cannot joyously tear your smile in half, because you're up on the wall and like so many pin ups I will never let you fall because I don't want to forget the way you always smiled it's desirable at times. My memories have been defiled for a while, and when I think of you they rush right back picking out the negative parts. My 3rd eye has Cataracts I can't see deeper into the sinking depth of your mind These pictures on the wall leave my love for you undefined so I back away, to the very farthest side of the space because this chamber of despair is just emotion's disgrace "Why are you always so happy?!" you just keep smiling the other pictures blurr, while 911 I should be dialing I need help. I'm talking to an image caught of a time when you loved me too, acting emotions out in mime cause it was just a Sharade, just another party game cold spring water of your greed extinguished love's flame But theres a flame I can ignite, that will begin to spark this is one of cupid's arrows that definatly met it's mark so I raise the can of gas and soak your perpetual grin I watch it stream down the wall covering Fugifilm's kin Striking the match on my thigh, I toss it into the liquid the wall woofs into flame, slightly toasting my eyelids pictures curl and fall, this is a storm they cannot weather you smile melts instantly, a memory that is lost forever... Moral: except in my mind, I surprise myself to find that there were no pictures and no wall this was my emotional downfall You can never know what I do images don't matter, there was only you Peace |
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tight verse, strong in all departments, liked da moral kinda summed it up well, good work.
cheak dis http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=64890 |
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it was good dawg......a little derranged but good. Nice vocab too.
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Shiznit's thoughts:
VOCABULARY >no one can pull this shit out better than you...i mean damn...well thought out vocabs...uve executed ur terms soooo unreachable...deep simple with a touch of complexity determined how talented u are. i liked how u contructed such creative words. nice! >not enough multis but man the metas are great and the whole imagery going on made this piece stood out from the rest....word play was really good too... FLOW >PERFECT...i read it 4 times already...and i think it fitted the whole verse incredibly brilliant....it seems like im actually the speaker of these when i read it out loud...i really really liked this a lot! CONTENT >damn..i really got a lot of something to say about this i mean...the whole concept of the piece awed me im not surprised tho cuz all of your drops here definitely awed me big time..i meant there's this thing about ur writing that makes me feel like all emotional and shit...really really good!...the imagery caught my eyes.. THe beginning made me read furthermore...much respect for that..i love it OVER ALL >fantastic!... Moral: except in my mind, I surprise myself to find that there were no pictures and no wall this was my emotional downfall You can never know what I do images don't matter, there was only you ^^^ see what i mean...???...really good..! |
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.......Well tickle a sloth, that was dope........
Content was brilliant, flowed very nicley, the imagery was vivid, Vocab was shit hot and made up for lack of multies..... Another great piece to add to your list, -pz Plz check my piece called "is not where you live" I dont normally ask this but it's gettin majorly slept on. Thanx |
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