-Crushed-
 

First ever open mic..............

-Crushed-

Born on a sunny day,bringing a smile to family and friends//
Held tight and close to the heart until into the World he transcends//
Never abandoned or forgotten,never ignored but adored//
Was raised to a great being,he could have never asked for more//
Grew up with a dream and chased his wish every day of his life//
But when he expressed his feelings he recieved nothing but hatred and strife//
Yet he was strong and had sense,so he pushed the mockery off his chest//
But couldnt remain mentally stable cause his piers ignorance had him stressed//
Crushed with bitterness,he no longer wanted to continue in a world that's cold//
With his note told,he turns to his soul and leaves this Earth at 17 years old//
Born on a beautiful day but died on a tragic-storm//
Left this Earth in cold-bitterness,but entered with love that was warm//


This was my first ever topical verse [Proper one].....It may not be a RB legend or anything but I'm just asking for some feedback....maybe give your thoughts on it or tell me what I could change.................Thanx...............

I know it's wack but any feedback on how I can improve it at least?

IT WASNT WACK YOU IMPROVED GREATLY BUT EVEN THIS SHOWED HELL OF POTENTIAL

Thanks but I do think it's wack........I just could'nt think of a smart concept for a verse at this time so I just wrote this..........

^^I love the writing.....................

lol.....thanx^^