[1] Sureal vs. [10] BribeOne1
 

Congratulations On Winning In The
First Round. Props To You Who Won.
Thank You To Everyone Who Showed
Up, This Is Looking Really Nice. Keep It
Up............


Topic......A First Impression

In!

In........Regime Vs Regime again..........G luck Sureal.ima need it..
lol.......One

First Impression...

Intro
The First Impression Comes With The First Reality..
It All Starts With A Mentality For Intense Morality..

Beauty
The First Time Laid Eyes On The House, He Knew..
This Is The One They Would Hit, Through and Through..
Beautiful Old Rustic Work Of Artistry, Standing Tall..
Anyone That Lived Here, Money Would Not Enthrall..

Planning
A Group Of Four Men, To Take On This Task..
The House Would Be Taken Over, Deathly Fast..
One Family Lived There, A Vacation Was Planned..
The Crook Was Doubted, They Just Didnt Understand..
They Would Hit The House The Next Saturday Night..
Be There For Ten Minutes, Then Out Of Site..
Fantasized About The Fortune, It Filled His Dreams..
Forgot One Detail, Not Everything Is As It Seems..

The "Hit"
Got To The House, It Was A Dry, Overcast Night..
They Stared At The House, Eyes Full Of Delight..
Got Out Of the Van, Made Their Way To The Door..
This Would Be A Retireable Hit, A Major Score..
Grabbed The Handle And The Door Slowly Creaked Open..
Looked Into The Beauty, Overjoyed Once Again..

The Detail
Relentless Men, Grabbing Everything In Site..
Did Not Know Their Fate, On This Gloomy Night..
The One Thing They Forgot, Caused Them Harm..
Thought of Everything, The One Detail, The Alarm..
By Now The Cops Were Only Three Blocks Away..
The Burglars Heard The Sirens, In Great Dismay..
Wiped Away All Their Prints And Fled Out The Back..
Cops Arrived The Door Was Open, Silence And Black..

The Capture
Thought They Had Erased All Of Their Prints..
Wiped Everything Clean, Without Even A Wince..
So How Did The Police Find Out, How'd It Go Down?
The Evidence, Nor In The House, Or On The Ground..

Closer
That One Dark And Gloomy Night, Those Men Learned A Life Lesson..
Because On That Door Handle The Detectives Found, Their First Impression..

First Impression............

How I Came To Be.
A snip Of Thought Ran Straight To His Head::.
Weddin Night, Jamaica, And His Wife By His Bed::.
Time Fled ....As If Joy Went after It and Chased It::..
Sweet Taste Of Life...After This Night I was based In::..


9 Months
Quite a Kwerk This Process Of Growing::..
As A Heart Delevoped, And a Dead Mind Became Knowing::..
Throwing Tyse Punches and Soccer Kicks To The Mid::..
Will I be Poor Or Live Lavish Out In a Villa In Madrid::..
When Stomachs Grumble It Feels Like Tempest Type Thunder::..
Fed Thru a Tube Just To Fullfill My evergrowing Hunger::..
Wonder is all im Good For... in this Water Pressure Capsule::.
Music Plays.... All I hear Is a Giant Millipede with Tap Shoes::.

The Arrival
Pressure Hold Me Down Contractin My Space::
Young.. But Man This Shits gotta Frown In my Face::.
Shock waves Pound my ears Little did I know ...Ambulances::.
Hints Of Light in here They Just Flare Glances::.
Reverse Of A Diver ...Im coming out the water Head First::.
Who The Fuck Tuggin at My Head .......That Shit Hurts::..
Pulled Out Quik...The pain..........Man i Wish Pops Had did The Same::.
Now I hear The Screams Man Is This Life Or Im I Insane::.
Vision Blurry Its Cold Out Here Pass A Blanket in a Hurry::.
Room of Gowned Masked Inpostors starts to Scurry::.
Flurry Of fist To The Nucca Who Smacked Me::.
Felt like a Train Ran Off Tracks Just To Attack me::.
Congested Of Fluid I See Just A Glimpse Still::.
Born Healthy ...Doctors .....They Say Not Ill..........(yeah Right)
Finally Warm Blanketed With Love and Affection::..
Its Funny that This was Truly My First Impression::.......................

A particularly enticing battle to vote on, because each writer took two different roads to entertain the audience. . I was forced to read both pieces numerous times before developing a vote.

Sureal: Creativity and imagery was off the proverbial chain. . The writing itself wasn't as articulated as a usual Sureal piece, but it was good enough.

Bribeone1: Gave him a definite run for his money. . Your imagery was great, as well, and you also had a bit of humor, i.e.:



However, overall, Sureal flipped the topic a bit better and took the win. . I have a feeling the voting in this match-up will be very close, however.

VOTE: Sureal

<Me>

Wow, Very Close Match ..

BribeOne: Pretty good story telling , decent flow.. some lines could use a little rewording .. overall pretty good peice.

Sureal: Solid Verse ... Nice Story Telling , Good Flow, Content Kept Me Pulled Into The Story, Good Ending..


Good Verses From Both Of You, But Sureal Takes It.

Sureal, you took the unbeaten path with this battle, and won big time. You writing seemed to be a little off, but it didn't matter, the story was perfect, I enjoyed it, as I have enjoyed almost all your writings.

Vote-Sureal

wow...i am very amazed at these writings. Its incredible knowing for a fact that some people could actually reconstruct my views in writing and making me realize how wonderful words and ideas out there waiting for then to combined in such thing that they would make sense not only to yourself but to everyone.

BRIBEONE
>uve made ur piece somewhat quite interesting by using terms that actually refresh with the whole theme. You've thrown out a couple of deep extracted words here and there that made the content of this stood out.
>The whole idea of looking at another person's perspective added a bit and surely enhanced most parts.

SUREAL
>i am very speechless. Starting from the intro..u really did make this piece equisite using ur creativity..the whole teaser intro made me read further down to the end. You're very choice of words and terminology recreated something from the whole structure to all throught out the refinement of each event.
>The whole idea of reflecting some true to life aspect of it and reinvisioned it with uniqueness helped the whole piece to stood out on its own.
>The content is quite simple but u made it soooo incredible when u added excitement to it ..just like watching a movie...its very suspenseful and ur soooo curious of whats gonna happened next..its brilliant!..and of course the very ending surpassed everything and that made me like it sooo much.

...>very nice pieces from you guys...it was worth the time reading. both came really hard that made it difficult for me to execute my decision but it came across to me that i can only vote one..good job guys!

VOTE: Sureal

Sureal.

Your verse was just about
perfect. it was excellent it
had everything needed.
that story started out, i
said...oh no it's going to
be corny..lol, but it turned
out really great, good job..

Bribeone1

okay job, i feel you should
have tried much harder going
against a number one seed
like Sureal...umm, nothing in
your verse pulled me to it, or
made me appreciate it...keep
working man...

V. Sureal

ok this is wat i thought

Bribeone1:I thought your verse was ok, it had its vocab and it was well written and decent structure, yours didnt catch my attention as much, i mean it caught my attention but not as much, with that said that brings me to sureals piece

Sureal:I thought your piece was excellent, definately a perfect piece if not then very close to it, the vocab was great, u kept the audience in suspense and it was a miracular piece, it definately caught my attention

so, with all that said

Vote=Sureal