"Cheater"
 

This is kinda simple and sort of short...But just tell me what you think please...

I lay low in my parked, Hidden car
I see the two of you, Not very far
You reach to her, giving her a passionate kiss
I never though our relationship would come to this
She returns the kiss and you both smile
Your eyes study her body for awhile
I look to see your unlocked car door
Then you begin frenching that nasty whore
The anger begins to rise inside of me
I think to myself "How can this be"?
Then I step out of my car, and slowly walk to your side
I shiver as I open the door and peer inside
With a nasty, Evil grin, I raise a knife and say "cheater cheater pumpkin eater"
Then I suddenly bring the knife down, Repediatly Stabbing my dirty reluctant cheater

holy shit... stalker?... no, but it get funny at the end.

Tried to make light of a serious situation..While still showing how you felt and everything..That was nice

Shiznit's THoughts:

hmm...interesting. sorta kinda eminem shit when he sees this girl cheating on his ass....

but anyways...u made this piece unique by just using words that would just be enough for it. The imagery is quite good but the content made the whole piece kinda off...but that was good tho...

wait a second...u didnt really do this ...or did u??....oh my god...now thats a conspiracy...

nice read tho altho it was short....recreate this and it would be better trust me..;)

i appreciated the simplicity of this piece i thought the umm kiddy ending i feel ruined the piece the vocab and theme were very simple i liked the concept though but i'd rather u poured your soul into it rather then try to create the story it didnt cmoe off as real as it should but props 1luv.

that was really nice
hope no men cheat on you or else dey ass is gunna be cut up into carne

Thanks to all of you for the responses, Smokedout411, I'm not really a stalker..lol....LeftStanding, Thanks...Shiznit, Thanks for the advice, and I think I will try that to see how it comes out...DaNfamous, I get what your saying, Thanks :), Southside...lol, thanks ;)

peAce