pain runs red
 

been months seens i held the raizer up to my arm and cut open myself~
dont wonna open myself up again and expose myself~
trying not to cause myself more pain, but it takes it off of everything esle goin wrong~
dont think u realize how much pain u cause me and what i do when u hurt me~
blood runin down my arm cause i couldn' stop myself~
i keep wonderin how much longer it will be until i cut to far down and that will be the last~
how much longer untill someone will notice all this blood runin down my arm~
raizers rip threw my flesh everytime u make me feel worthless~
why do u have to cause me so much pain that i wuold go and harm myself~
try to put the raizer down , but its like a magnet and attached to me~
the blood fallin from my arm could make a lake~
but this lake would stand for somethin it would stand for all the pain ive been caused~
help me put it down and stop cuttin threw myself, instead of hurtin me~
scared that the next time i put it up to my arm it will be the last time i will breathe~
my pain goes deeper then the cuts i have~
first time in months seens i last cut open myself~
help me stop and show me u love and care for me~

thats it hope u all like it!!!! its completly diffrent from anything else i have written!!! holla

Shiznit's Thoughts:

VOCABULARY

>plain and simple words combination..not too much in it...the repetition of 'myself' i thought it was great but when i read it a couple of times ...hmm...i think it aint necessary but thats a good appraoch tho...its just when u read it...its quite off...u couldve tried to put in alternative words for 'myself' ya know...
>try experimenting words by reading off the previous ones then refining it to fit in there altogether.

FLOW

>wasnt really feelin it....cuz some lines were short and some were long and its kinda not smoothly follow the straight path that u were trying to target here...if u consider using some rhyme scheme..that would help a lot.

CONTENT

>suicidal thoughts..very common...the emotions, pains and anger all were written here in ur piece...the imagery was ok...but couldve been better..

OVER ALL

>not a waste of time to read...it was good. nice job

umm this should be closed how could anyone possibly follow the posting rule when their poem is their first post, i like it but try to follow rules DP, 1luv.

I liked it...Keep it up...

peAce

Quite simple overall. But i could see how you really tried to get into it. And at times did pull it off. Though at times a bit too blunt and over elaborate. I felt the simplicity of it could've been used better.

Nonetheless, a solid enough piece if you aint tried this type of writing before.

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it was simple but i jus wasnt feeling the flow maybe is jus me but it was a solid piece nice drop tho


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