Secound Hand Smoke
 

Artist: Eyedeal aka: "Verbal Shells", "Verballyill", "Tha Prominence"
Song: Secound Hand Smoke
AIM: PoeticThreat

yo yo i suffer trauma, by both ways// i feel i got asthma, when am smokin// i enjoy inhaling cronic// even though the lungs aint flawless// i still smoke, until am unconsious// until i provoke, to become demonikk// load up the cartridge// and let the gunn blow to injure, your cartilage// let it be insured, evryone around me is a target// once am high thats regarding// also the weapon that be capable of sparking// to much urge of weed, shooties is started// emerge from another breed, that am heartless// once few blunts are overwhelmed// my mentality proceeds, to become retarted// and i cant overcome being rebelled// not feeling incarcerated, but as if am levitating, off the haze that be very swell// due to money that be never evading// pass the blunt to nefarious (my brother) cauz am too high// feel like i got butterflies, up in my stomach// the weed leaves me capable to die, but i still love it// let the smoke cluster my lungs until am done with it// and then freestlye "off with my head" like the beatnutts and pun did it// then am committed, to pass the blunt to my niggas// the one that keep that weed babysitted// but we have plenty peeps// and many trees// that people will forfeit, the blunts that be lit// secound hand smoke no camping or nigger licks// until the pipe leaves us dismissed// or until the roach clip is extinguished//

booo that shit didnt even rhyme right mostly

uh...i didn't like it at all..hmm..lines didn't flow right together..maybe thats how i was readin it...keep them comin tho kid...tha more u write..tha better you get..God bless..1.

izz suck a dick
 

FUCK U IZZZZZ it did rhyme. unless u don`t know how to read.

^^don't be like that,^^

Rhyming/Flow
Flow Was Non-EXistant, RHymings Was ALMOST Non-Existant, You Had A Few Words That Sort Of Rhymed: "HIGH", n' "Die".....Up You Flow With Multi's, Although I THought THis Bar Was Ok: " feel like i got butterflies, up in my stomach// the weed leaves me capable to die, but i still love it//"....2/10

Vocab/Wordplay
You have A Decent Amount Of Vocab, Well I Say Decent! Up It, Read The Dictionary Or Something....2/10

Concept/Topic
Couldn't Really See A Topioc That You Stayed ON, Elevate This..1/10

Overall
Elevate On The Following: - Flow (Learn About mUlti's)
- Vocab (Expand It)
-Topic (Pick A Topic That You Can relate To)
...1.8/10

whutevr
 

whutevr thanks for the info thow which was cruel as fuck. i read my lyrics fast thats why for some people didnt understand it. with an instrumental it would have been more clear of whut i meant and how it rhymed.

wuNN

^dude, Don't Say Cruel - Say Constructive^

AyO
 

this is the truth to people who rated my shyt or even commented

first of all i dunt see how u people said it didnt rhyme, i mean u gotta be ignorant not to see that. then i stayed in the topic of smoking, evrything of smoking. then u said upgrade vocab... i do upgrade it in other text but u peeps upgrade ure vocab so much people dunt kno whut the fuck ure talking about. and their amazed at only of how it rhymes but not whut it saids. and u actually score me some low ass points wtf. if u hav such bad comments for me its better if u shut up.... cauz i dunt appreciate ure hints and help. cauz honestly dont like ure style of rhyming...

^Your gonna Go far On This Site With An Attitude like That^ NOte: The Sarcastic Tone..lol

Re: izz suck a dick
 

LOL... man, it rhymes like... some of the time at best, it had no flow, you were off topic most of the time.. the vocab was totally lacking, no wordplay and in hte second line you started talking about loading a catrige.. lol, what does that have to do with ne-thing?... have you even held a gun before?