Fucked Up Morals&Democracy(Give Me Some Feedback It Took Me A While 2 Write This)
 

Yo the whole world collapses and relaxes
people faced with moral dissatisfaction
interactions, aint civil no more in our communities
our young race dont have ne good opportunities
homes start to break up n no longer make up
it seems to be money n hate that makes us
others put in behind all them money makers
instead of helpin the people, n helpin all races
we all have to struggle here to survive
mentally, i get messed up in these emotional tides
love, gets raplaced by crime and unforgiving
made me think again bout this place im living
sit n watch as the world turns with its drug traffic
and the poor struggle while the rich sit laughin
im just tryna live, im testing my will power
lookin around the world devours it by the hour
our headlines hit with, corrupts MP's, missin person
gang shootings, drugs, another person murdered
i cant even bare to think bout the shit that ive heard of
cant make sense, and the shit just gets worse
everyday, theres a war, in everyplace of the world
government fucks u over, wever u man, woman, boy or girl
justice aint shit, when u judged for dressin like a stereotype
officials with white stripes r the ones to put ya life right
its like you cant trust anybody no more
gotta think b4 openin ur own front door
streets have changed, goin from raps to gats
now its all bout busting n ratta-tat-tat
kids breakin into flats taking watever they can
wrecking peoples lives for the sake of a grand
u cant deny, that days dont pass by
when the news aint open your eye
children scared to school, the shits shocking
not stoppin- thats why we got truancy as a problem
its hard to put it down to one simple reason
for all the civil, when all our public are dis-beleiving
that shit happened since the dawn of time
back when man allowed greed into his mind
the dispicable kind, who live better off
aslong as they live good, ne1 else, cant give a toss
so who can change this life that i got?
take there best shot, but ima still get my points across

this will be goin' into audio in da near future anyway enjoy this pieace and gimme some feedback peace out

nice, that shit was deep. its nice to hear someone Spitin about some shit like dat

yo give me some feed back on mine its called "nightmares"

aight i will...uppin this 4 more feedback!

THE DEPTH WAS GREAT EVERY ASPECT I CAN ANALIZE CAME CORRECT TIGHT DROP HOPE TO SEE MUCH MORE FROM YOU

i wanna start a crew of my own if you interested holla im callen it ordo abacho (order out of kaos) HOLLA AT ME IF YOU INTERESTED

damn str8 i'm interesting..i'll PM you

yo, it was a'ight... lucky I noticed you was in my boyz crew.. I pro'lly wouldn't-a peep'd it if you weren't... but I'm glad I did, this has alot of depth, mainly in the first like 15 lines... the rest was pretty self explanatory.. I was feelin' some of the meta's an' wordplay.. I like the multi's (not alot of them,) but they were good.. stay up..

Thank's...uppin this 4 more opinions !

ill drop, very deep, hope to see more

^ Thanks G .

that was good good job

^ indeed

Rhyming/Flow
I THought This Was A Little Weak In Some PLaces, But Then KIlla IN OThers. YOu COuld Have Added More MUlti's In - WHich Would've Helped The Flow. Your RHyming Was Good, You Used Accenting There Too! .... 7/10

Vocab/Wordplay
THought It Lacked This A Bit, You Consistantly Used Abbreviated Woreds ie..Ne, + , U...6/10

Concept/Topic
Concept Was Killa, And You Stuck To It Throught The Verse! Don't See Many People Doing That BUt You Had It Nailed! 8/10

Overall
Nice Piece, As I said Could Have Use More Multi's n' Better Vocab...But Nevertheless It Was Good....7/10

critisisem like this is what i need 2 be a better MC thanks playa' 4 tha feedback i appreciate it