Woosh - simply her
 

okay this shit was spur of the moment shit ya know, i dont think i will finnish it but u never know. give us some feed back.

Women are leeches that stick to u suck u make u happy,
wen the realastionship goes down they just dont see,
the pain they cause, rippin out our hearts,
but really now lets be real their all fuckin tarts,
Now to i give u what im feeling for a certain women right now,
Bitch u just dont see, how u hurt me, every time we had a row,
dont u get it I hate u, if i had my way slit ur throat,
end ur dreams, burn my ties & sink ur familys boat,
let them swim in the tears they weap,
See now u made love on me only skin deep,
im no longer the guy that was cool & all 2 clear,
im now a guy who in a bad mood you need to fear,
confront me in that mood, 2 minutes & ur body outta here,
i aint playing no games no more mother fucker,
try to treat me like a bitch & ill kill u like a sucker,
the last rhyme i put out feelings is now evaporated,
im glad on that track i never let u be my collaberated.

fuck u dont u get it my minds rages,
could have been togeather ages,
but no u made the choice to abort,
carry on n ill make ur life short,

hahaha, nice topic - im guessing you just got dumped or knocked back , lol, thats the vibe i got from it - flow was actually pretty nice you just need to even the bar lengths to between 12 and 16 syllables per line, add a couple more internals in there, multi's would make it doper too, try to get indepth when your writing, give the reader something to keep wanting to read more, to get involved with the piece when its like this.

Not bad though my man, you've improved since i checked you last, nice one mate. : )

^ thanks dude i'll keep trying that syalbles thing, i did try put some internals in there. but thanks dude.

this was good..although to make it a it better and maybe longer you ould have included why you felt the rage.like maybe what broke you two up..what happened...that will make people read on and ive only got one thing to say about you hating her..and this is true

You cant hate someone untill youve let them into your soul

so a feel foryoui on that level

id like to see the piece finished so get on it! lol

lol i did let ion my soul & she spat on & riped my heart out, ne way thanks 4 the reply ill keep that shit in mind 4 finnsihing this.

Uppin

i get the vibe about ya gettin dumped or whatever and i feel ya. this rap hasa lot of hate and shit and i like to hear that cause its better that ya get it out on paper or computer...lol......not on her ya know? i liked the piece and ya had a lot of heart in there....sorry that ya have to go through it ya know but life moves on just rap and move on!!! peace man and good luck....

^ thanks dude thats the way it goes sometimes, ye on paper not on skin

nice deep drop keep up the good work it was some over all good shit

lol thanks ne way upping

very emotional
kinda like eminem

^ lol thanks

uppings