same time thanking it.
 

went from grass green to fences decayed
alone hermit style
trying why to figure i envy the sushine.
at the same time thanking it
woe is me! the dualist in me!
suffering for nothing
over unseen realities,
having my fun now,considered me gulity now?
a black shaitan in caveman bastard land?
how brain-washed i was
as i see contentment in unbelief.

I'll be honest..i didn't like it...Didn't hit me right..don't think i'm being mean...just honest...Kinda choppy 2....Just keep writting..and you'll improve....

thanks for the criticism,
but choppy is just one my styles.

It was short. And i felt for a piece of this length, it was quite loose.

I still found parts of it kind of intriguing.

..resp...

this piece is about superstition
when trained religious.
the everyday battle of what is right and wrong.

The meaning of poetry when I read it tends to go over my head a lot. Or else I get it right on the spot. This peice went over my head.

What suprised me was that this was choppy like you said, but when I was whispering it as I read it, the peice had an amazing flow to it. Because it doesn't look like it could flow from one line to the next, but it manages to do so. That's what impressed me.

~Islam~

ill be honest it needs work on length flow n complexity but i take ur stly into consideration nice drop