fusion (2 warriors)
 

this is a martial arts/story type piece which i got the idea from from the "fusion" move in a dragonball.


warrior one: theres a full moon in the sky, we've been training for weeks/
phyically demanding stuff that brings pain in for geeks/
i throw a roundhouse, the dust flies, wipe sweat from my brow/
my training partner appears the same way he went, with a bow/
today we try a new technique passed through generations/
the fusion of 2 fighters into 1: power elavation/
we stand opposite each other and begin to concentraite/
rob my state of mind of everyday things i comtemplate/

warrior two: i stare back, assume a stance and locate my chi/
feeling my stresses and life questions vacate from me/
martial arts is my escapism, my whole way of life/
reaching new peaks with my saiyan type might/
i throw a few punches, backflip with a smile/
land with expert precision and god given style/
my sparing comrade seems ready, we lock gazes, the wind blows/
lightning crashes in the distance, reflected in windows/

warrior one: i crook both arms at a fourty five degree angle and straight/
lean against the natural position of my body standing, wait/
my eyes narrow i feel the muscles in my shoulders tighten/
but we'll soon obtain powers to make boulders lighten/

warrior two: my knees bend, my back arcs, i mimic the move said/
we're standing twenty feet apart and closing with smooth tred/
forming ancient sylabbles from a forgotten dialect/
i almost smile, wonder what move i'll be trying next?/

warrior one: the gap closes, this needs perfect synchrony to work/
tention mounts, the sky darkens and my knees are hurt/

warrior two: ten feet to go, i'm see raindrops splatter the ground/
natures rebelling but what does it matter this round?/

warrior one: we finish it, say the final word, out fingers touch/

warrior two: energy sparks, its breath-taking and it brings a rush/

**FUSION**

warrior three: my eyes open, this manouvore created a new person/
suddenly the planet seems small, a place to dessert from/
my new body lifts from the ground effortlessly, in fact/
i'm surprised that this transformation has left me intact/
i disapear from view faster than the eye can resgister/
i'm feeling like Mercury, the God's messanger/

feedback?

Rhyming/Flow
Flowed Pretty Decent, However Sometimes The Rhymes Were a Little Simplistic in Some PLaces. You Could've Used Some Multi's To Help It Out..But..meh, 6/10

Vocab/Wordplay
The Vocab Was o.k, Came n' Went But I Suppose Thats Your Style, Some People Like Me LIke Alot Of Vocab In Bars Other People LIke Little, Whatever Your Taste Is..7/10

Concept/Topic
Really Came Through Here. LOved The Way You Structured It, Tight Story That Kept Me Reading It All The Way Through. You Described The Feelin's, Emotion Well...8/10

Overall
I Was Expected Maybe A Bit More By Someone Of Your Skill, BUt I Was A Nice Piece, Don't Think I'm Hating Or Anything, Decent 7/10..


Word!

when i first started reading it i thought this wasnt going to be good
but it picked up after the first 6 lines...
then the imagery kicked in and u could visualise the fight about to happen...original shit as well...vocab was abit lacking but it flowed well
a different drop...give it 7/10

I AGREE WITH FGEE IT SOUNDED LIKE IT WAS GONNA BE CRAPY TILL I GOT MORE IN THEN A PLEASENT SURPRISE APPEARED THIS WAS A GOOD PEACE DESERVES NOT TO BE SLPET ON ....UPPI PEEP MY NEW PEACE HIGH ANNOINTED

Rhyming/Flow
Flowed Pretty Decent, However Sometimes The Rhymes Were a Little Simplistic in Some PLaces. You Could've Used Some Multi's To Help It Out..But..meh, 6/10

^^every single line had a multi in.

I liked the content of this peice cause it was't just abou the same old shit...nice low as well as wordplay in my opinion.....keep spittin