Between these fine lines
 

Between these fine lines
I cant find my mind
In this fukked up place
Im loosing my self
Everythin comes from behind
Closed doors
Like 27 floors
Of total chaos
In phaze
In daze
I cant take this shit
Wanting my wayz
In liez
They despize
Everythin I want
And everythin i need
To succeed in this drawn out life
Of fukked up misery
For people who cant see
That i have the mind
To shine
And find the rhymes
To catch signs
Escaping from fines
And fukked up times
In ways of crime
I finally find the sign
To let my mind release
And form a crease
In the flattened page
Forced by rage
Trapped in a cage
Now the lime light of old
Feeling everything gold
Is sold in an instance
This life lost twisted, forget it
Its no longer the lime light
But a fright inspite of blinded sight
In doubt u shout another verse to curse the soul
That makes u gold, the one that’s old
No longer sold but spoiled
By the fact that they lack the talent to react to the fact that i have it all and u have nothing but something more now less causing stress laying twisted bodies to the final and permanent rest

hmm.....

im not sure that i like the simple like 3 word lines.....but i've probably done that before so i won't dwell on it

another little bit of criticism before the good...i don't like how you have so many rhymes in there.....just break it up a little more thats all....you don't even have to just a suggestion...

fav lines:

This life lost twisted, forget it
Its no longer the lime light
But a fright inspite of blinded sight

nice drop needs a little improvement, but then nothing is ever perfect

Structure...... Realy needs some..... Your rhyme scheme can use some work, but this is just a suggestion. I liked your last line, it jumped right out at me. Your flow is not in question, you can rhyme, this is obvious, now just put more time into your Structure... It will make a huge difference to your auidence. Keep elevating, we all need to get better, but no one is perfect, well put by Da Joka....

like bounce said ur structur n ryme scheme needs some work n i like ur last lines to they stuck out n made the peice ur own