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RWRapbattles Finals Verse-
Mistaken Identity.
. . . I'm an evil spirit standing in this storm, raindrops splash against my head cloudy days are special, like closing your eyes before bed as special as death, me i'm dead, but i inhabit this earth and roam invisible to everyone so terribly bad that it hurts i ask for my worth, but i don't get an answer. . .just tracks up into my empty heart where the padded walls are black emotions bounce back and forth, i continue down this road where the multitudes show smiles brighter than love poems i loath the cries and laughs that they can so easily express while i envy those green blades on the other side of this fence with my thoughts we commence. . .i'm lonely as a fallen star lost in the emptiness. . .every sign of affection has gone far away from me i pray to see the heavens so gay with glee since when i was alive i was only subject to rage and screams they paved the dreams that would provide a moments escape now seconds are short. . .but still. . .those moments were great if i hold them i taste. . .heaven held within my keen senses it lasts not long enough. . .but my god. . .the taste is so precious i want to bottle it inside eternity and keep it upon my dresser asked more or lesser?. .i keep walking and get out of my thought legs first i crawl out of it. . .new visions erupt my high hopes a lot but gravity has a law. . .so obviously they drop. .i trail an old hag who has a fresh soul with a little body parched upon her back he glances fast. . .with guilt. . .in a way it was almost secretly could it be?. . .surely there is no possible way he can see me . . .he showed attention. . .but? . . .how come? what and why the woman held him up . . .of course. . i mean surely he's alive he gave me his eyes. . .and in an instant i could sense his fear rolled back in his mind. . .i sensed his tears. . .it's been years decades, centuries, or milleniums since anything has happened so i followed with that initial glance. . .and a stroke of passion i followed them up a eeiry road. . .the boy began to pout so when they got to the door of the gothic style house she slapped him in his mouth. . .he screamed "but why?!" he cried. . ."where's mommy and daddy?! where is my life!" i sprinted and made it in before the door closed. . .i saw events that would make a tetanus victim. . .drop his own jaw she began to claw. . .she touched him and even rubbed him he was 3 years old. . .this lady got naked and fucked him the blood ran. . .she sang pleas of worship. . .to make it official satanistical . . . she brought him to the fire . . . like a ritual she screamed the odd tones like lost moans he screamed and the flames charred his liquid life. . .as he continued to bleed i was awe struck. dumbfounded. immobilized. . .all in my mind so i sacrificed my life. . .became one with the fire and died. . . standing in this storm, raindrops splash against my head cloudy days are special, like closing your eyes before bed as special as death, me i'm dead, but i carry a soft light and i still roam invisible to everyone. . .but i make this life. life I'm a guardian angel. |
Rhyming/Flow
Smooth Throught, LIked The Structure (..). Verse Could've Been Split INto 2, But I'm Not Complaining...9/10 Vocab/Wordplay Immense As Usual, THis Is The Quality Of A True Vet..Killa Wordplay As Well - As I said NOthing Short Of What I Expected..9/10 Concept/Topic Nice Deepply Orinitated Topic, You Stayed On It well, Spread It out, PLayed It Out..Tight, Made It INto Your Own Style...9/10 Overall 9/10, Nothing Short Of What i EXpected, One Question: Whjy Did You Change Your Name? Sorry I Didn't Go Too Indepth, But I Could'nt See Much Wrong With IT, PLus I'm Fuckin Hungry! lol Uppin' THis Shit, Not To Be Slept On! Word! |
i changed my name because i'm super duper.
thank you for the feeback. . .i appreciate it. you always seem to give nice little breakdowns mad props from me to you. pz |
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