::On A Cross I'll Die On::
 

[On A Cross I'll Die On]
You cant understand me. . I see it in your look
Your self guarded while my lifes open like a page in a book
If you could read my mind with your eyes adjusted . . .
And find justice in judging me when my life is busted
Im disgusted at the passages you pass me
If theres a question how I live, then step aside and ask me
Does that bible explain how to love your self at all
While I brawl with this world, you wash it away in alcohol
A glimpse of me would be sins caught in segments
But if you worried about yourself, your daughter wouldn’t be pregnant
Have you had temptations that grabbed your better half?
Have you ever met the devil? Cause honestly I have
And behind your laugh, whats sin is our other half
Ive spoken to demons and found more knowledge to grasp
I have to ask if your going to help me if you can
(Nope), I know you cant do that, cause inside your just a man
Ask GOD who killed my uncle and a part of my mother
Cause if knew, id find him and murder that motherfucker
Im not Atheist, im just not sure were my faith is
Cause I was born on a planet were we don’t know were GOD’s face is
I have so many questions, but no answers you can give
Cause I accept life, and you need a book to help you to live. . .

If I die and go to hell, at least I chosen a path
Im a product of broken homes and aftermath. . . you do the math
Im 666 steps behind you with my back turned
Im even named after you. . . So what have you learned
Cause i point blame at myself and take mistakes, lifes not a game
If im not welcomed in heaven then why did i deserve your name?
If my sins is Hip Hop, Weed, Tattoos and Gin
Im guilty as charged and fucking stoned in the end
MY FRIEND, MY FATHER, I ask for facts today
So if I question YOUR faith. . . then why did you turn your back away?

Blah........

Damn....Nice emotion in this piece and keep coming with tha realness. Nice concept and I see you using some rhyme scheming with good transitions. Try using more multies...

If my sins is Hip Hop, Weed, Tattoos and Gin
Im guilty as charged and fucking stoned in the end

Hell yea!

I'd give this a 6.5/10....

Ups.........

Not a bad piece, top half easil;y outshone the bottom, better emotion and deeper imagery in my opinion, flow was a little stop / start mainly due to the bar lengths keep jogging and the shortage of internal rhyming, a couple multi's here and there would of stepped the flow up, not a bad storyline though, ended with impact, just need to work on the bar lengths and flow, more multi's and internals will help with that, some subtle wordplay will keep the readers ewntertained and wanting to read on, not bad for whats there though.
Reply to mine:
Burnt Bridges
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70954
Wonderful Women
http://www.rapbattles.com/forum/sho...&threadid=70898

I was feelin' the depth to this... I take back everything I said today about people get too in depth and lose interest of the audience, this kept my interest... mainly because the wordplay was simple and easy to understand.. the vocab was still good but again simple (that's good).. flow was choppy 1ce n awhile but overall pretty smooth, imagery and meaning sunk in, and were delivered clearly... stay up.. 1

not too bad...a little simple...thought could be audio...pretty good stuff man..keep droppin..flow was nice though.

peace

Thanx Uppin