my 1st post plz reply no matter how harsh it is
 

EVERYDAY PASSES
REMINDING ME OF LESSONS TO BE LEARNED
OPPERTUNITIES PASS ME BY
SHOWING ME THINGS TO BE EARNED

I DO NOT KNOW IF LIFE AS AN ADULT SEES IT
ONLY AS A TEEN
I CAN ONLY GUESS WAT LIFES MEANT TO BE
BASED ON WAT IVE SEEN

TODAY I LEARNED OF LOVE
AND THE PAIN THAT IT MAY BEAR
U CAN NEVER KNOW A PERSONS TRUTH
BEHIND THA MASKS THEY WEAR

I CANT TELL THE BAD
FROM THA GOOD
AND ALTHOUGH IT SOUNDS CLICHAE
IMMA TEENAGER MISUNDERSTOOD

I CAN'T TELL A GOOD FRIEND,
FROM A BAD
WE TALK BEHIND EACHOTHERS BACKS
RUINING THE TRUST WE HAD

WEN I STARE INTO THE MIRROR
I SEE THINGS I WISH I COULD DENY
A FEAR OF JUDGEMENT AND CONFRONTATION
I CAN NO LONGER LOOK MYSELF IN THE EYE

IF EVERYBODY HAS TO GO THROUGH TORMENT
AND THROUGH PAIN
IF THEY UNDERSTAND THE HURT
THAT IS ANOTHERS GAIN

IF THEY CAN FEEL
THE BURDEN OF THEIR FEARS
AND KNOW THE COST
OF SHOWING THEIR TEARS

IF THEY KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO HAVE A LOVER OR A FRIEND
STAB THEIR BACKS WITH KNIVES,
WHY ARE THEY SO CRUEL TO SAY,
"THESE ARE THE BEST YEARS OF OUR LIVES!?"

i liked this piece boo,it was heart felt,we all go through that when were younger im only 18 but it wasnt to long ago when i thought like that,keep ya head up remember somebody allways understands you,it just might not be tha person you think it is that understands you.keep droppin.peace boo

thanx for the comment ill do tha same 4 u just hit me up wen u got 1 la8 5gs im out
~Pz

Alright...lets tear this piece by piece..hmm.*thinks*

Your poem was rather basic..straight to the point..and don't get me wrong..THERE IS NOTHIGN WRONG WITH THAT. Hmm what else.....
Vocab was average...might wanna hit tha dictionary..lol..u might be laughin..but no lie..thats what i used to do all the time...pull out words that i thought sounded good to the ear..then write the definition down...and a Theasarus works good to.

To me..imagery was lackin..but thats okay..it comes with the territory....you'll gain that...i did..you should read some of my starting pieces..man i should have made another cat in the hat book and become rich like Dr. Seus..lol NO LIE!!
Chickita banana..this wasn't at all that bad

But if u need more advice from me...no prob
God bless..1..

WEN I STARE INTO THE MIRROR
I SEE THINGS I WISH I COULD DENY
A FEAR OF JUDGEMENT AND CONFRONTATION
I CAN NO LONGER LOOK MYSELF IN THE EYE

This was great, I would bet a million dollars there are thousands of teens out there feeling this exact same way, yet without the gift of understanding, let alone the ability to put it into words.

thanx 4 tha replies much luv im out
Pz.

don know why u used all caps but i guess its for more emphasis

dope lines:

WEN I STARE INTO THE MIRROR
I SEE THINGS I WISH I COULD DENY
A FEAR OF JUDGEMENT AND CONFRONTATION
I CAN NO LONGER LOOK MYSELF IN THE EYE


i soo agree those lines are awsome

emotion was nice

deepness was beda

keep droppin

i wasnt feelin this sum1 sed simple aint bad and i agree it was just tooo simple and i really disliked the cliche line u also mispelled it its a basic word. same as D boy im diec y ocho but i been there it just didnt do the topic justice in my opinion it lacked depth imagery and vocab ,stay up, 1luv.