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-   -   Up and Over! (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=71909)

fgee 08-08-03 06:44 PM

Up and Over!
 
i close eyes and ears to the surrounding noise
but it pierces my soul and mentally destroys
'All deploy!' shatters my peace in a moment
fear gripped my conscience and all became frozen
'It's open!' the general cried and i faced the lead
clambering over rotten flesh i followed the Med
A shower of red greeted my on rush to safety
comrades fell like dominoes and death faced me
but fate intervened tripping my feet for life
bullets zipped overhead i had bailed the price
i conquered might and crawled to the next trench
shells beat my ear drums and my hearing wrenched
these explosives hell sent test my nerves to destruction
i stumble over mud empty guns and see nothing
in ruptions the barbed wires of sanity dissapear
mind fuckery blurs fill my visions tears
blackout nears and the last view is an ally riddled
blood spattered on khaki as the death toll filled
a bitter pill i awoke to swallow it staring at the heavens
cloud passed by I was alive! deaths connection severed
i was under the weather and rose to a repeat life
shouting and arsenals firing reminded me of the strife
no one noticed my sight blank stares met my gaze
i wiped my brow and saw blood on palms face
thats strange...i tasted the pain to check its real
glancing down i feel....a perfect hole of blood congealed
i collapse and kneel metal had ripped veins seal
gushing on pulse it spurts over my army shield
i have nothing to wield as my heart bleeds and cries
enemy fire extinguished my flame...and i joined compatriots sides
pain numbed the feeling and slowly i died

Mystik Mind 08-08-03 07:20 PM

This Was Good...I Liked The Topic You Put Down About War...You Gave A Descriptive Graphic Detail...It Was Very Good...
Flow Was Good And Nice Use Of Multi's...

A shower of red greeted my on rush to safety
comrades fell like dominoes and death faced me


Them Lines Were Very Good...Nice Description Of What Happens And Emotion...'Greeted My Rush To Safety'...

Very Nice Piece...

fgee 08-09-03 09:41 AM

uppin

~HoTTie~ 08-09-03 09:41 AM

i was gonna quote those lines......damn u mystik anyways i was feelin his whole verse u stayed on topic gave great detail..another one of fgee's 10/10 topics :) lol

RythmicTendicies 08-09-03 10:56 AM

The Flow Here Was Dope, You had Kilal Multi's IN here..It Was Smooth All The Way Through, Never Fell Off Once.

LOved The Topic, You Described The Actions n' Emotions Throughout, Thats What Made It Readable...You Didn't Fall Off, Kept On it...

"a bitter pill i awoke to swallow it staring at the heavens
cloud passed by I was alive! deaths connection severed
" - LOved That Line, NIce Wordplay..

Overall: 9/10

Sweet Sauce 08-09-03 12:49 PM

ur flow was on.. ur wordplay good.. ur imagery even better..
9/10

fgee 08-09-03 09:50 PM

.

fgee 08-10-03 02:58 PM

..

west 08-10-03 03:32 PM

good shit here fgee,liked it m8,topicals are ur strong point i feel,good shit.

Peace

K.Largo 08-10-03 08:17 PM

Fgee bro that was Ill...too bad this is getting slept on
Props to u on this one imagery was great and just very
damn good way to teel it......

props

Cerebrex 08-10-03 10:04 PM

all i gotta say waz...................

dat waz some tite shit

made resoect and props

13th Disciple 08-11-03 01:16 AM

vote=fgee........sick wordplay...sick imagery....sick topic.......sick
bastard.............good job.......


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