Un-Toppable...
 

I don't do Open Mics often, but some feed-back on this piece would be great...

I might record when i get my new mic cause other one broke...So yea have a look...

As i stare upwards, for no reason searching the sky//
Think of lifes struggles, but never dare cry//
Words to me are the only thing that seems real//
The only way i can express how i really feel//
Dear God, help me find a meaning for going on//
Give me strength to fight on, and keep me strong//
Protect my mother from evil, please i beg and i pray//
Liscen to what i say, and take us both away//
To a place, other than here, where theres no more fear//
No reason to shed a tear, where sadness will never re-appear//
I'm searchin' for an oasis, but the land is dry//
Try to smile but comes out as a depressed sie//
Days fading, feels like life is really slowing//
Like someone with AIDS, when the effects start showing//
Got to be something worth trying for//
Its like the water's over my head, and im still on the shore//
Mum sits back, crying cause lifes depressing//
I jus' sit down, asking myself "How is life a blessing?"//
Come home, see mum on the floor, eyes shut tight//
Run to the bathroom, turn the taps all the way right//
Finally the light is in my sight//
Silently drown off life, as i fade into eternal night//


.....Feed Back would be preciated.......

Pce

Uppin fo' opinions....

IT was an alright Peice

you could work on vocab...flow was good...try wordplay...topic was goodd.....

overall-7/10 keep spittin these open mics

Uppin'...

SLIK NAILED BUT I WOULD LOVE TO SEE MORE WORK YOU CAN ONLY ELIVATE AND THIS IS A STRONG START

^Thnx yo...Im busy but im a start writing more....Is Open Mic like ment to be for pieces you would uae in audio, cause thats how i come up with mine.....

Anywayz....more opinions...

Pce