Over the Horizon...
 

I'm not finished with this, and I plan to revamp it. But I'll put it up for feedback and any suggestions are welcome too. I want to experiment with new angles, so here it is..

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You never held me back,
Always tried set me free,
Yet I was still afraid to fly,
and was still content to be.

I folded my wings,
Held back from the wind,
Sat cleaning my feathers all day.

Scared of what's out there,
Across that horizon,
Everything was unknown to me.

I was paralyzed,
Yet satisfied,
Still too frightened to disappear.

I pondered and I waited there,
Tried to keep busy,
I kept suspicion under wraps,
But it would never conceal my intrigue.

So I waded out into the sea,
Took my chances,
Risked my life.
I ventured to the other side,
But what I found,
I can never describe.

Everything was bare,
The grass still green,
But everything was still.

Although the land was fresh,
I was surrounded in death,
It was eerie and concerning,
It worried me, and made me ill,
So immediately I fled.

I should never have taken off,
I can't stand what I saw.
It still keeps me awake at night.
You'd believe it if you knew.

I can't say much about this, it's hard to explain...
It's an amazing poem, I see it, it's in my imagination as if I myself dreamt of it...The realisation of life's horror, in whatever form, the search, the journey made for another that shows the terror-struck truth...

I don't have much to say for improvement, in technincal terms, maybe the structure of stanza's could be more consistent...
But the inconsistency show's thoughts, fleeting and deep, this is a great poem of revealing something in your mind and stepping away in fear...
I say write a second part, this time face the fear, and dont revamp this, mistakes are what make us who we are, and there isn't anything to fix...

Thanks. Means a lot. I guess I just look for failure to correct, and I wasn't giving it my full attention so I expected it would be inconsistent. But that's a big lift. Cheers.

I'll most likely write another part soon.

Lots and Lots of imagery. There were times when i felt I was in the place that your mind was watching.

i.e--Everything was bare,
The grass still green,
But everything was still.

Although the land was fresh,
I was surrounded in death,
It was eerie and concerning,
It worried me, and made me ill,
So immediately I fled.

It flowed decently and gave me goosebumps actual goosebumps. I don't believe in revamping editing or changing anything thats written down but i will read Pt. 2 eagerly. Thank you for the experience.

Wow, that's a first (goosebumps). Thanks for the feedback!

im content to be....not said the same though...
you need a sig...unless you dont want one...
it would be appreciated if you have one though

nicci this was a good long poem...

what I like the most is at the end of your stanzas you
worded the lines so it would carry the thought process
anlong to the next and so on...instead of only having
four lines five lines..new thought and so on...i noticed
that..and you did a good job at it

profitt got goosebumps....i got herpies...are we even?....

alright that was nasty but your poem was a great display
of your talent..happy to have you as a member

peace

A very good example of on the edge style writing put in a fairly ordered form. Portraying to the reader the deep down emotions and imagery in an edgey manner, yet not going right off and over and therefore making it harder for the reader to comphrehend.

Abosrbing. Very absorbing.

...resp...