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-   -   the new me (http://community.rapverse.com/showthread.php?t=73128)

THE DOPED MALB 08-13-03 08:33 PM

the new me
 
Through every negative I encounter in my life/
I WILL go past that obstacle in order 2 survive/
Ive experienced a minor session in depression in the past/
But at last that problem is something I have surpassed/
Depression sure did make an impression in my life 4 a while/
But fuck that shit 4 once ive began 2 smile/
I don’t even want 2 eliminate my mother anymore/
I don’t even hate her like I did so aggressively before/
Ive accepted the fact that my father and brother r dead/
I don’t even dream about my mother and bloodshed/
Im now using my brain, ive survived the pain/
That I once did contain but these scars on my wrists still remain/
They maintain just 2 remind me what ive come through/
Shit I was so mentally ill my life was something which I did review/
But now im enjoying living every day all the time/
Because now honestly I can say I believe I define devine/

The End 08-13-03 09:08 PM

I didn't read your poem but your name is horrible.

The Necromancer 08-14-03 01:03 AM

The Dope Malb, it's been a long time. Glad to see you're back.

Welcoming aside, you've dropped some great literary work. You came off with a lot of those rhymes you have. Proper structure and thoughts that kept on the subject matter.

I can tell this is a pheonix kind of peice. Y'know, rising of rebirth. Out of sorrow comes brighter hope, yadda yadda and all that. Much love, dude.

~Shalom~

Bazzy 08-14-03 02:30 PM

11 posts in a year and a half.........

Split-eyez 08-14-03 02:43 PM

great piece
I felt it... really deep and filled with emotions
great structure, flow, and wordplay... keep dropping shit like this and keep writing straight from the heart.

nice drop

peace

THE DOPED MALB 08-14-03 02:46 PM

Quote:
Originally posted by The End
I didn't read your poem but your name is horrible.


atleast my names origional
Quote:
Originally posted by Bazzy
11 posts in a year and a half........


incorrect ive been here alot longer than that newbe
and yea ive only got 11 posts 2 my name this time
but i aint got 2 free post like u and that other joke 2
make urselfs look like VETS because u have a high post count
so please grow up an get a life


now thanx Necromancer 4 actually reading my piece and dropping ur 4ts on it its appericiated

Tourniquet 08-15-03 12:35 AM

'Through every negative I encounter in my life/
I WILL go past that obstacle in order 2 survive/'

It was only upon reading this a third time that I realised you had capitalised the WILL in the second line, and suddenly I read it differently. Almost felt like I was peeping on someones inner strength, it became a conversation with yourself and not so much the reader- Your telling yourself this, and Im glad to see that by the end of the poem it looks like you believe.

Coupled with a great flow, and rhyming without feeling like it was forced - I really like this work.. Kudos~

varentao 08-17-03 12:41 PM

Quite a personal piece. Using a raw stance to bring forth the purity of the 'situation'. Especially the current mind set.

I would say at times the way the flow and simplicity fluctuated was a bit off. But then i guess that's part of the effect. The personal side taking over the piece in a sense.

The ending was understood, but still a bit unusual "I believe i define divine" - dunno if that is a blunt self analysation looking at a certain amount of relieved narcyism or maybe something else. You know, to put emphasis on how your life and mind is now more calm. Or just a wrong choice of words...

...resp...


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