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the new me
Through every negative I encounter in my life/
I WILL go past that obstacle in order 2 survive/ Ive experienced a minor session in depression in the past/ But at last that problem is something I have surpassed/ Depression sure did make an impression in my life 4 a while/ But fuck that shit 4 once ive began 2 smile/ I don’t even want 2 eliminate my mother anymore/ I don’t even hate her like I did so aggressively before/ Ive accepted the fact that my father and brother r dead/ I don’t even dream about my mother and bloodshed/ Im now using my brain, ive survived the pain/ That I once did contain but these scars on my wrists still remain/ They maintain just 2 remind me what ive come through/ Shit I was so mentally ill my life was something which I did review/ But now im enjoying living every day all the time/ Because now honestly I can say I believe I define devine/ |
I didn't read your poem but your name is horrible.
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The Dope Malb, it's been a long time. Glad to see you're back.
Welcoming aside, you've dropped some great literary work. You came off with a lot of those rhymes you have. Proper structure and thoughts that kept on the subject matter. I can tell this is a pheonix kind of peice. Y'know, rising of rebirth. Out of sorrow comes brighter hope, yadda yadda and all that. Much love, dude. ~Shalom~ |
11 posts in a year and a half.........
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great piece
I felt it... really deep and filled with emotions great structure, flow, and wordplay... keep dropping shit like this and keep writing straight from the heart. nice drop peace |
Quote:
atleast my names origional Quote:
incorrect ive been here alot longer than that newbe and yea ive only got 11 posts 2 my name this time but i aint got 2 free post like u and that other joke 2 make urselfs look like VETS because u have a high post count so please grow up an get a life now thanx Necromancer 4 actually reading my piece and dropping ur 4ts on it its appericiated |
'Through every negative I encounter in my life/
I WILL go past that obstacle in order 2 survive/' It was only upon reading this a third time that I realised you had capitalised the WILL in the second line, and suddenly I read it differently. Almost felt like I was peeping on someones inner strength, it became a conversation with yourself and not so much the reader- Your telling yourself this, and Im glad to see that by the end of the poem it looks like you believe. Coupled with a great flow, and rhyming without feeling like it was forced - I really like this work.. Kudos~ |
Quite a personal piece. Using a raw stance to bring forth the purity of the 'situation'. Especially the current mind set.
I would say at times the way the flow and simplicity fluctuated was a bit off. But then i guess that's part of the effect. The personal side taking over the piece in a sense. The ending was understood, but still a bit unusual "I believe i define divine" - dunno if that is a blunt self analysation looking at a certain amount of relieved narcyism or maybe something else. You know, to put emphasis on how your life and mind is now more calm. Or just a wrong choice of words... ...resp... |
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