unintitled..any suggestions ?
 

walking with crippled legs
looking through a blind mans eyes
in my mind i have no thoughts left
i have no tears left to cry

Invisible to others i soar with broken wings
vision imparead and speech uncomprhendable
i have nopossesions or ambitions, a songbird which doesnt sing
evaluation of it all makes me see that achievment is impossible

icy breath and forgiving heart of stone that weeps
visions of the white lights haunt my dreams
the only thing i have in my life left is my heartbeat,
and the things that echo in my ears are my own screams

scared of my own shadow this world is my enemy
i have thought about suicide but whylet this cruel world win
Proceed to live on in my own nightmares and only me
alone for ever and a day never going to love only here to sin

Confession doesnt enlighten the dark spirit in me
my soul charcoal black engulfs my body with flames
I dont sleep as im too afraid i will never arise but could it be
im jsut afraid that i will dream of a family and wake up alone and ashamed

my body has became so empty that i can walk on water
dont have to eat my own misery makes me seem full
all m life i have seemed to stumble over death or falter
i have never been anywhere thats been nice to me, just cruel

at the dark of night im visited by a creature
i cannot see its face but i hear its booming voice
lights surrounds its body highlighting its soft features
and it always kisses my cheeks before offering me a choice

they ask me if i want to live another life a true life
but i always simle and refuse
they offer me wealth fame and a good husband who loves his wife
but still i say no, my lifes too recluse

the creature is stunned and still presues to sway my opinions
they offer me more ornamental possesions
but now i know that whatever they offer me i will be refusing
the only place i want to go to now is heaven

i pray every night for my life to be taken from me
withought the word winning its evil game
everynight my prayers are forgotten god says its not that easy
he says the reason i am what i am is my own fault, im to blame

so still i struggle through this world of ungratfull ness
sleepless nights and long days
as i wish for blissfullness i receive unhappiness
but i am gratefull ihavent changed my ways

Liked it, it gave a lot of different images and moved quickly, but they seemed complete and comprehendable before bringing on the next. It was really well rounded. Nice one.

Fairly cleanly structured. You used that as a basis to write something quite raw and beautiful. Beautiful in a slightly dark and personal manner.

I dunno, i mean it did stray off from time to time. But for such a long piece, that can happen.

...A strong, solid piece of imagery and personal depth.

..resp..

thanks fo tha feedbac...uppin